REVIEW: Demons at the Helm

Demons at the Helm by The Whomping Willows is without a doubt the worst wizard rock album I have ever heard in my entire life, and I’ve listened to some stinkers.

Now, please allow me take a couple massive steps backward.

Of course, now that I’ve done that, I can no longer reach the keyboard.  Shit.

So, yes, Demons at the Helm is the worst wizard rock album I’ve ever come across, but as an muggle album? It’s pretty good.  Not Matt Maggiacomo’s best work (III and the Rock n ‘ Roll Redux EP), but better than his eponymous debut album, which was full of good ideas and fantastic ground work with some very iffy lyrical choices and musical execution.  I mean, just look at his most popular songs, and what, one of them (“I Killed My Owl”) came from that album?  Anywho, for me to properly review this album, I’ll have to go through it twice – once, discussing the music, and again, discussing the lyrics.

We start off the album with four second of silence.  As silence goes, it’s pretty aight.  Then “Don’t Let Me Explode” really starts, a mellow song with some really nifty lyrics (but I’ll get into that later) – for the first minute.  Then we have a jarring pause that’s about one second too long (seriously, just a bit shorter on that pause, and this would have been a massively better song), and then Whompy kicks it into high gear.  Well, high gear for him, which is a moderately fast acoustic guitar with a crashing cymbal behind it, and later an electric bass – that electric bass is your friend, Whompy, and you should use it more often.  While the fun bass work really helps, the song doesn’t get really good until the ending chorus thingie starts, right after a moderately interesting electric guitar solo. I can’t describe the voicework in this section with any other word but “expansive” – it just feels like the voices themselves are reaching, grasping out, trying to claim more of your eardrums – and it’s awesome.  Lauren Fairweather (who has one of the most exploitable last names in terms of terrible puns outside of the Harry Potter series) joins Matt in singing the song, in one of the neater ways of bookending an album I’ve seen, but I’ll get more into that when discussing the last song.  Suffice it to say that I really, really like how her voice is clearly there, and noticeable, but it’s more like a gender-bending echo than a duet.

There is one more thing I must say about the music – Matt less plays the acoustic guitar than attacks it, and that comes off in the music as an underlying deep scraping or “theeoomp”ing sound as he strums.  It’s pretty prevalent in almost all of his acoustic guitar tracks (basically, everything except III and the electric guitar redux EP – incidentally, my favorite albums by him [and no, I haven’t heard Wizard Party 4Ever or whatever yet, though I plan to]), but I never noticed it until really looking closely at this album, so it probably won’t bother the majority of listeners, and it only bothers me half the time.  Also, I know next to nothing about the guitar and how to play it, so maybe it’s just a side effect of strumming that fast, or that style of playing, or something.  People that actually know their guitar shit – let me know in the comments how hilariously wrong I am!

Oh, one more thing about the music, and this also sort of goes for most of the album, too: In this song, and in others, Matt less sings the song as he does enthusiastically recite it.  But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

“We’re Not In Hogwarts Anymore” is an easy little saunter down Acoustic Guitar Street, intersecting with Overly-Prevalent Bass Avenue.  Now, I have nothing against clearly audible bass lines, but finding a sweet spot for the volume of the bass is a tricky thing to master, and at least in this song, Matt still has some ways to go before I can make some sort of pun revolving around Link and the Master Sword.  Also, it’s not the most intriguing bass line ever, a simple alternating 1-2-3-4 with the occasional reversal.  But when Matt sings for the guitar to scream, we’re treated to the most fun and interesting solo in the album.

Also, I am know realizing that splitting the music and lyrics up into two sections really isn’t a very good idea, because for a lot of the album, the music is… well, it doesn’t deserve to be called “samey”, but you really can’t bust out a decent paragraph on just the music of each song without repeating yourself a lot.  Suffice it to say that much of the album musically sounds like a more polished version of Welcome To The House Of Awesome, and that’s the worst that can be said about it.  And at times, it truly is the best music The Whomping Willows has ever produced.  But let’s backtrack a little bit, to talk about the first song’s lyrics.

Lyrically, “Don’t Let Me Explode” sort of exemplifies the entire album.  While the lyrics are at best wizard rock in the most vaguest of senses and at worst not even meta-wrock (and I’ll get into that later), they are some of the niftiest lyrics Matt has ever crafted.  I mean, these lyrics are so nifty that the pure imagery and verbal dissonance often mask the fact that he sometimes rhymes a word with itself, or the same exact sound, consonants and all, which is one of my lyrical pet peeves.  A prime example are the very first lyrics of the album:

My body, a cold machine

A metal corpse without the sheen

Given that this is the Whomping Willow who’s singing, even if we come into the album knowing and expecting some meta-wrock, the lifeless, metal self-description, the very antithesis of a plant, a tree, the fount of life (though I guess not this particular tree…), is as jarring and shocking as the “coldest rain” falling over you – and it’s fucking brilliant.  On the other hand, he rhymed “shēn” with “shēn”, but the pure writing talent and craft on hand is so good that I don’t care.  This lifeless depiction of himself is further deepened when he references the Whomping Willow in the line “And if a friend should call on me / I’ll crush him where he stands.”  And once the music really kicks in, the lyrics do too, in two different respects.  Firstly, the lyrics are all about how Matt “can’t stand the way [he’s] ready” to hit the road, to play some music, to do this thing, this crazy idea to tour the country singing folk songs from the point of view of a homicidal tree.  But also, the rhyme scheme becomes much more fast paced and frenetic, spitting rhyme after rhyme at you – and yes, some of that is helped by the increased rate of delivery, but the ratio of rhymes to non-rhymes is definitely higher in this section.  Also, I don’t know why, but something just really tickles me about

Give me a guitar and a couple of beers

And a couple of friends, a couple of years

I’ll be setting aflame to all my fears

I won’t even watch them burn

There really is a lot of cool stuff in these lyrics, and you owe it to yourself to spend some time to really look at the pure poetry that Whompy is producing.  Don’t let me do all the work for you, just set aside some time, and do nothing but just listen to the lyrics of this album.  I promise you, you won’t be disappointed.  The last thing I’ll say about this track is that “Hold me down before I explode” could be interpreted in a lot of different ways, and the one Matt probably meant is probably 3rd or 4th on the list.

I’ve now decided something – I will go through all the songs twice, but the first time I’ll review the music and the lyrics, and the second time I’ll evaluate the meta-wrockness of the song.  Will I decide this is a stupid idea within two songs? Let’s find out!

Actually, I’ve already decided this is a stupid idea.

So, where does “Don’t Let Me Explode” lie on the meta-wrock scale?  I’m going to put it at “Barely Meta-Wrock”.  There are no explicit references to wizard rock, or even really to touring, but a lot is implied, and there are some cool wrock-y lines like

Thing of those nights I fell so deep

I couldn’t even drink myself to sleep

Just stayed up watching shadows creep

Along the castle wall

I really like how we go from a very human activity – getting drunk (The Remus Lupins‘ song “A Werewolf, A Willow” notwithstanding) to the great and very Potter image of shadows creeping along Hogwarts’ walls.  Also, I’m a big fan of the rule of three, so I really like these AAAZ rhyme schemes.  So, while a muggle could listen to this song and never guess it had anything at all to do with Harry Potter, there’s something to be said for requiring some previous knowledge to fully “get” a song.  Besides, if we excluded songs that contained no explicit references to Harry Potter, half of Split Seven Ways‘ oeuvre would be thrown out the window!

Now, “We’re Not In Hogwarts Anymore”.  It can be really tough to review good lyrics without just pulling out of context all of your favorite lines, which really isn’t interesting to the reader, who could just as easily listen to the song, instead of read it.  It’s about as interesting as meta-reviewing.  Anywho, this song could have just as easily been titled “I think it’s safe to say”, and I really like how that phrase is used at the beginning of each verse, though I’m not a fan of the ending basically being Matt shouting “I think it’s safe to say we’re not in Hogwarts anymore!” over and over – though I didn’t mind that happening in the previous song.  I think that’s because he was actually singing in the end of the last song, and he had another voice to help him out.

As for meta-wrockness, this is “Most Assuredly A Wizard Rock Song”.  In fact, it’s almost straight up wizard rock with a rock solid meta-tinge to it, seeing as one way you could interpret the song is all the different characters from the books literally leaving Hogwarts to go play wrock and rowl shows – sort of a song version of the premise of the original wrock bands.

1,785 words in, and we now finally get to the third song.  “Merch Girls Are Easy” is the sort of song where it’s really hard to talk about the music because the lyrics call so much attention to themselves.  So, I’ll make this quick – musically, it’s what we’ve come to expect from The Whomping Willows’ acoustic music – and that is most assuredly a good thing, though not a great thing.  It’s acoustic guitar, and… well, it’s pretty much just acoustic guitar.  But the music is not the point of this song.  Also, Matt’s smoked and whiskey-soaked vocal cords are put on full display in a manner some might find grating, but I find almost endearing, and very befitting this particular song.

Now, the lyrics.  Whoo boy.  Firstly, I should mention that this song won the WRPCA for Best Comedy Song, and it’s well deserved, though not my first choice, more like my fourth or something.  But it’s still definitely one of the funniest songs produced last year, and the song content is exactly what the title leads you to believe.  Pulling out just a few lines simply would not do the song justice, you really need to get the full effect to get the full humour of the thing, so stop listening to this and go listen to it right now.  If you don’t have it, buy it, or see if it’s on YouTube or summat.

However, I do have a minimum amount of verbosity required for each song, so I’m going to take this time to talk about the preview video Whompy made for this album.  Specifically, when he was talking about this song, and he mentioned how he was worried some 80-year old librarians or family values mothers might take a look at the track listing and notice this song and be shocked and appalled.  I’m sorry, but I just had to laugh – the same guy who released an album with song titles like “Crawl Through My Treehole” and “I’m A Whore For Dumbledore” is worried about the use of the word “easy”?  Though, I must say, this song might be a little uncomfortable to listen to for anyone who has actually been a merch girl for The Whomping Willows, or at the very least, a veritable treasure trove of comedy gold for the friends of such people.  Also, this is quite possibly the most meta-wrock song on the entire album, explicitly using the phrase “wizard rock band” within the first two lines, and using a few Harry Potter-related sex puns.

Of all the acoustic songs on this album, “A Brief Repose” is probably my favorite musically.  The guitar is played in a very different way than the previous songs, hitting much higher chords, and there’s TAMBOURINE!!!! (please read that word in an announcers voice)  All in all, it sounds just different enough to be refreshing, but isn’t at all jarring.  Matt goes for straight singing – not the talking/yelling of the first two songs, or the exaggerated grit of the previous song.  And it works… alright.  There are a couple slight hiccups (figuratively, not literally) here and there, and overall it’s pretty good for his admittedly limited vocal range, but I just prefer his straight-up singing when it’s over an electric guitar.  It just seems to mesh better.

Lyrically, this is one of the best songs on the album, with really fun lines like “boy, we need this decompression / ’cause rumours of our indiscretion” and “golden highways wear away to dust”.  It’s just a barrel of fun, clever rhymes and an all-around good time, which is ironic since this is the song where narratively, things start to go downhill.  We had a song about deciding to do this crazy thing, we had a song about this crazy thing working out pretty well, almost to a surreal extent, and we had a song about reaping the pleasures of being a celebrity.  Even if it’s just in the Harry Potter fandom.  So, now, things have to go downhill.  Otherwise, it’d be a terrible story.  Yeah, somebody becoming a famous niche musician and living out the rest of their days in relative comfort and with no real drama might be really nice for them, but it’s a godawful piece of storytelling.  Sometimes, life just happens to work along narrative convention.

Also, if by now you haven’t noticed the recurring mentions of alcohol, or you think they’re just throw away lines that will have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO with the plot arc of the album or the central conflict, then you should officially consider signing up for one of those narcoleptic lemur preserves. However, while it’s one of my favorite songs on the album, this song rates firmly in the “NOT Meta-Wrock” category.  There are a few throw-away references to touring, but it’s really not about that.  It’s about the stress of the lifestyle getting to him, and while that might seem like that’s ripe for the meta-fruit picking, the song is all about the cracking, not about all the things that happened to get him to that point.  In the end, it could have been anything to get anyone to this point of pure frustration, even when part of you thinks you shouldn’t be frustrated at all.  This universal aspect makes it a great song, but a terrible meta-wrock song.  Again, I have nothing against meta-wrock or straight-up wrock songs that are universal in their lyrics, but those have to start from a specific story or character from canon, and just using a lot of vagueness and pronouns instead of names.  The end result could seem like a muggle song to a muggle, but if you just fill a couple holes it’s a bona-fide wrock song.  However, this song starts with the universal, and then makes it specific to one person, but not specific to wizard rocking, outside of the fact that this person happened to be touring as a wizard rock band.  But the type of music he’s playing and people he’s playing to doesn’t matter – the very fact that he’s playing music doesn’t matter – it’s the perverse sort of wanderlust where you’re always trying to find a place like home, but when you’re at home, you get restless within a week or two.  Any references to wizard rocking are vague and just veneer on the dense cake of human emotion.

God, I feel like a tool for that last sentence.  “The dense cake of human emotion”?  Really?  Also, if you’re putting veneer on your cake, and icing on your wood, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.  The only exception is if you take “icing on your wood” to mean things I don’t even want to contemplate.

“All Nighter” has a cool name, given what “all-nighter” can mean, especially in the context of drinking, when juxtaposed against the very restful and cool feel of the song.  In fact, this is the first time we see Matt rebel against alcohol, with the repeated asking for water. Really, the entire chorus is really cool, but the rest of the song is only so-so.  It’s the low point of the album, and while it’s still not that bad, and you need to listen to it at least once for the full impact of the album’s story, I skip over it pretty much everytime I listen to the album.

Musically, it is by far the calmest and most contemplative song on the album (mirroring the lyrics), to the point where it would be almost jarring except for the fact that the previous song stepped the frenetic pace of the guitar down a bit, and it’s just so damn mellow that it could never ever be described as something as violent as “jarring”.  In fact, the mellow tone works way too well, and becomes boring.  I get what Matt was trying to do here, and it mirrors the vocals really well, but while it’s not jarring, the song does feel out of place, and it just isn’t that fun to listen to.  It’s not a bad song to have on repeat as you go to sleep, but when you’re in the mood for The Whomping Willows, you’re usually not in the mood for a nice relaxing lullaby and a nap, and maybe a glass of warm milk, and a discussion of Canadian politics (NOTE: I am actually referencing an obscure Simpson’s joke, and not in any way demeaning Canadians or their fine way of deciding their leaders.  I believe how it works up there is that everyone who wishes to be President gets into a ring with an angry bear, and the last person standing wins.  Thus, Canada has been ruled entirely by bears since its inception).

Lyrically, it’s pretty much what I’ve described already – a mellow, introspective song exploring his own faults, but also with a tinge of hope for things to change, eventually.  The gimmick here is that it’s sung to Hagrid, and as such is the most “wizard rock” of the songs, but this aspect really doesn’t work for me.  Whompy really could be singing to one of dozens of characters from Harry Potter, or someone in real life, or to the good side of himself, or something.  Maybe Matt was trying to get across how the Harry Potter series helped him through some tough times, but I really don’t think that was the intention.  Maybe it was, but it certainly wasn’t clear.  Despite all the references to Hagrid (as in, by saying his name a whole bunch), I feel the most “wizard rock-y” bit of the song is the chorus, which is a brilliant allusion to Dumbledore’s struggle in the cave in Half-Blood Prince:

Come take my hand

Give me some water

Help me to breathe

Help me replace the memories

Of what’s done me wrong

So I can move on

Normally, I hate it when songs randomly stop rhyming, but it just works really well here, partly because it’s someone talking to someone else, so it sounds more natural, while still maintaining a really lyrical feel to it.  Also, we get a female guest vocalist again, and I can only assume that it’s once again Lauren Fairweather.  Her presence is once again relegated to the chorus, but it’s more substantial and noticeable.  I’ll get more into this when discussing the last song, but I do find it really cool.  On the “meta-wrock” scale, I’m going to have to put this song also in the “NOT Meta-Wrock” category.  Take away the word Hagrid, and it’s got almost nothing to do with Harry Potter or wizard rock.  It’s a very personal song about Matt Maggiacomo (whose name I will never spell correctly without the help of Google), not the whomping willow or even The Whomping Willows.  Really, he could have just replaced “Hagrid” with “my friends”, and everything would have still worked exactly the same.  Well, you might need to make a couple grammar adjustments, but my point is, the wizard rock-y aspect of this song feels really tacked on, except for the Dumbledore callback in the chorus, which may have been unintentional (though I really hope it’s not), and even if it is, it’s not enough to take it into wizard rock range, and there’s really nothing meta-wrock about it.

Musically, “All Bark, No Bite” sounds like you took the guitar part from “A Brief Repose”, took it down a couple octaves, added in the strummy sounds from the other songs, mixed with a dash of ukulele, an almost imperceptible smidgen of drums, and a single serving of harmonica.  The melody is sort of catchy, and the solo is nice, if pretty much just the melody again.  It’s not the weakest song on the album, but it’s definitely not the strongest.  It does come out of the ultra-mellow “All-Nighter” pretty well, but I would have rather kept the energy up, or make this the lowest point energy wise in the album.

Lyrically, “All Bark, No Bite” begins to climb out of the nadir that was “All-Nighter”, with the unnamed introduction of Lauren.  There’s some great thematic juxtaposition with “Merch Girls Are Easy” – while we can assume Whompy’s still on the sauce in this song, he’s stopped burning through women like cigarettes.  I’m not a huge fan on the central play on the phrase “He’s all bark and no bite”, mostly because we’ve seen much more clever lyricism on this very album, and while it’s not bad by any stretch of the imagination, it just isn’t as brilliant.  Yes, I am complaining that this song isn’t quite perfect.  Whatcha gonna do about it, huh, punk?  Anywho, there’s a callback line to “The Girl From New York”, a song off of the Wizards And Muggles Rock For Social Justice: Volume 2 album, and it is sort of interesting to see how long Whompy has been itchin’ to do more personal songs, and makes one wonder how long he’s planned this album.  This song is a song that I think pretty much everybody can agree is “Most Definitely NOT Meta-Wrock”.  It’s a purely personal song, and has nothing to do with wizard rock outside of the fact that the people in the song happen to also be in wizard rock bands, but that does not make a meta-wrock song.  Let me put it this way – if Brian and Bradley from Draco and the Malfoys made a concept EP about how much they like to brush their teeth – not Draco, but they themselves – and their struggles with their addiction to floss, would that be a meta-wrock album?  I would posit that it’s not.  However, I would totally want to listen to it.

“Watch Me Grow Older” is the only purely electric song on the album, and musically, is very refreshing. While I enjoy both flavors of guitar, after an entire album of acoustic, it’s nice to have a change-up.  In every respect, this is the most rock n’ roll of the songs on the album – the driving guitar, the vocals, the lyrics, all add up to a fun rock song.  Unfortunately, the solo is sort of drowned out by the backing guitar, which is too bad, because it sounded pretty interesting, but it wasn’t given the chance to shine on its own – you know, the whole sort of point of a solo. Matt’s voice really works with this style of song, even though it’s closer to enthusiastic talking than actual singing.

On the lyrical side of things, “Watch Me Grow Older” is sort of like “A Brief Repose”, except Whompy doesn’t care anymore.  He’s gonna drink till he can’t stand, rock and party all night, then hit the road again the next morning.  And you can watch it happen – he doesn’t care anymore.  Another crux of the song is dealing with how much older Matt is than his fans, and indeed, most of his fellow wrockers, but it’s pretty much only touched upon in the chorus.  But it’s hard to find good rhymes for arthritis besides meningitis. There’s also a throw-away reference to the song “Crazy Train” by that guy who was in those World of Warcraft commercials, which is fitting for the only electric song on the album.  On the meta-wrock-o-meter, this song is “Passably Meta-Wrock”.  It feels much more like a tour song than “A Brief Repose”, and does touch upon something connected straight to wizard rock – Whompy’s age disparity with his fans.  So, while it isn’t the most obviously meta-wrock song on the album, it comfortably passes the test.

I’m gonna switch things up with “Walk” by talking about the lyrics first.  After an electric song all about the crazy hectic life of touring, we go to a song about Whompy walking, and trying to sort through his feelings.  It’s also about how he feels trapped by his own insecurities, and his drinking problem, and how while he’s walking around to try and clear his head and tackle the problem, he’s also hoping to walk away from the problem entirely – but these sorts of problems aren’t ones that can’t be solved by running, or indeed walking away – which is the theme of the second half of the song, with the recurrence of the phrase “Don’t walk away from me, boy”.  There are two really cool things about this – firstly, it puts a spin on the theme of walking, and secondly, calling Matt a “boy” is a great subverted callback to the previous song, all about how old he feels.  This song is also “Most Definitely NOT Meta-Wrock”, as it’s another deeply personal song that has no relation to wizard rock outside of the fact that Matt sometimes pretends he’s a tree.

Musically, this is my favorite song on the entire album, and the first half really isn’t that interesting.  The chord pattern is pretty small, so the guitar work doesn’t really go anywhere, though Matt actually sings and it works out pretty well, plus there are hints of backing vocals on the word “walk”, foreshadowing the epic second part of the song.  And by God, is it epic.  Whompy recruited the help of the girls from Riddle™, and it was the perfect choice.  Victoria and Georgia’s voices are perfect – melodic and haunting, and they stick with you well after the album is over.  This second half works as a call and response, and even though it’s just the same four lines over and over for two and half minutes, the gradual building of the music, and thus, of the tension makes it work.  It’s like the Labyrinth theme from the original Legend of Zelda game.  The high point of the song, and the entire album is when Whompy replaces his singing with an electric guitar solo, but wisely kept Georgia and Victoria’s “ooooooooooh”s – the combination of ethereal voicework and electric guitar is nothing short of marvelous, and it’s without a doubt the greatest musical moment ever brought to us by The Whomping Willows (with the possible exception of “Fang, Stop Peeing On My Trunk”).  And while I’m not a huge fan of the first part, that build-up is what makes the sweet bliss of the second part so much better. And while I really don’t want to shortchange Riddle™’s musical prowess or song writing abilities, this may just be the best thing they’ve ever done.  I really think this song should have been nom’d for best collab.

Which brings us neatly to the next song, “A Conversation With My Demons”, which was nom’d for a WRPCA for best collaboration. “Walk” is a really tough act to follow, but follow it Matt does.  Part of what makes this song so successful is how different it sounds from the rest of the album – which is fitting, because lyrically, it’s the climax of the album.  The guitar is plucked instead of strummed, and there’s some really masterful use of 3/4 time.  There are not enough wizard rock songs in 3/4 time, and what’s really great about this song is that it doesn’t feel as overpoweringly like a waltz as, say, “Origin” by The Remus Lupins (though I do love that song).  It sounds unique and different, but also foreboding.  There’s also a tinge of acoustic Tenacious D buried somewhere in there, which is a nice touch.

Whompy’s singing is for the most part that sing-talking, but that’s fine because the song is really more like angsty emo poetry than anything else – but in a good way.  However, Matt does belt it out during the choruses (chori?) he duets with Mark Jennings, aka Voldemark, of The Ministry of Magic.  Oh, did I mention that Mark Jennings is on this song?  And that it’s freakin’ awesome?  Fittingly enough, Voldemark plays the part of Whompy’s demons, and if going to hell means that you get serenaded by that voice, then sign me up.  Seriously, I would make sweet, sweet love to Mark Jennings’ vocal chords.

That’s not creepy at all!

Anywho, the song builds up to the crescendo, and then back down to the too-quick resolution, and while it’s not as epic as the previous song, it gets pretty damn close.  You should definitely check it out.

Lyrically, it’s pretty self explanatory – a conversation with his demons, or demon, and on the off chance you haven’t heard the album yet, I won’t ruin it by reciting the chorus here.  However, there is one line that is too cool to pass up:

Should I empty my pockets, for an evening’s repose

Should I stare down the barrel ’till it soaks through my clothes?

I could write a whole ‘nother five thousand words just on those two lines.  It brilliantly and beautifully explains Whompy’s alcohol addiction with actually using the word “alcohol” or “beer” or “Sex on the Beach” or whatever, there’s a callback to the song “A Brief Repose”, and there is so much clever poetry in that second line that it’s all I can do to not blather on incoherently about tragic puns and multiple meanings of barrel and et cetera and so forth.  However, this song is also “Most Definitely NOT Meta-Wrock”, as it is about as personal as one can get – confronting one’s own demons.

The final song on the album, “A Heart Can Change”, musically has a lot in common with “A Brief Repose” – the guitar, the tambourine, it’s all there, plus a lower pitched guitar that really adds to the whole feel of the song.  It’s upbeat and hopeful, and not overly saccharine, and is a nice way to cap things off.  Also, it’s the third song with Lauren Fairweather doing guest vocals, and remember how I kept saying how I would talk about that later? Well, now, the time has come. What’s really cool about Lauren’s guest vocals is how in the first song they’re there, but definitely in the background.  In the middle song, they’re more prevalent, but still definitely backing vocals.  But now, in the final song, the song basically about her, it’s finally a true duet.  And that progression across the album is just so nifty, it helps make up for some of the lyrical problems of this song.

Really, I don’t have a problem with the lyrics of the song, it’s all classic falling action, wrapping everything up, happy ending, et cetera, until the last verse, when suddenly there are problems again, but they are solved within 8 lines.  It’s really sort of odd, though there is a nice reference to the Mudbloods (incidentally, which EP are you referring to, Whompy? “War Amidst Pop Songs”? “Animals That Have Left Me”?).  I mean, the whole song we’ve been told that his heart has changed and all that, but then in the 11th hour it’s back to being a bitch to deal with him, but then his heart has changed (still? again?) in the twelfth hour.  It’s a little disconcerting and ends the album on a bit of a sour note, but it’s not hard to ignore.  Also, despite the mention of a wizard rock band, this is also a “Most Decidedly NOT Meta-Wrock” song.

Now, before I go into wrap-up mode, a couple gripes about the album in general: Firstly, what the hell was up with those pauses at the beginning of the song?  The one for “Conversation” was SIX SECONDS long!  That is way too long, especially if you’re navigating by buttons, and you have to listen to figure out where you are, and it really breaks up the flow of the album.  Now, I did get my copy of the album off of iTunes, maybe it’s different for the CD version, but it really hampers my enjoyment of the album as a whole.  Also, and this is a pretty petty gripe, and it’s probably because I was influenced by the cover, but I was disappointed that at no point in the album was there a larger metaphor connecting Matt’s troubles and inner demons with the character of the Whomping Willow.  It really felt that there was all the set up in the world for something like that, and it seems like a real missed opportunity.

Now, on to the verdict.  As I said in the beginning of this review, this is the worst wizard rock album I have ever heard in my entire life, and it is.  It’s not even truly meta-wrock.  Only 4 out of 10 songs are truly meta-wizard rock, and if only 40% of your album is META-wrock, then it is not a wizard rock album, or even a passable meta-wrock album.

However, purely as an album, as a 37-minute piece of music, Demons at the Helm succeeds.  The lowest points on the album are still highly listenable, and the cleverness inherent in the writing is absolutely superb.  I would recommend you go buy this album based on the at times breathtakingly brilliant lyrics alone, but fortunately, this album has some of Whompy’s best music to date.  Now, it only reaches the upper echelons of what he’s done a couple times, so while it’s at times amazing, it’s mostly merely quite good.  If all you want are more funny tunes about magical trees, then save yourself some heartache and pass this one up.  But if you want an unflinching look into an artist’s soul, then pick up All Things Must Pass by George Harrison, but Demons At The Helm will work too.

So, what do you think about Demons at the Helm? Love it? Hate it? Think it does count as meta-wrock? Hate me for putting this up a day late?  Hate me for not mentioning bacon? Let me know!