The Top 10 Harry Potter References In Nerdcore

So, as is true of probably (and hopefully) all of us, wizard rock is not the only genre I listen to, and not my only favorite genre.  I am also a huge fan of Nerdcore, though I am nowhere near as knowledgeable about it as I am of wizard rock.  In a nutshell, nerdcore is rap/hip-hop about nerdy things, often video games, though definitely not relegated to just that.  While nerdcore usually does refer to just the hip-hop/rap side of things, the nerdcore community and the geek rock community are basically the same community, with multiple podcasts that play many styles of nerdy music, from vidjya game remixes to nerdcore to JoCo to geek rock to chiptunes.  Also, the definition what is “geeky” or “nerdy” can be pretty loose, so the lyrical content is a bit more… free than with wizard rock, because there aren’t assholes like me going “But there were only vague references to wizard rock that only make sense if you know all of the context!!! Waaaaaaaah!”  Thus, nobody would even think to raise a stink if there’s a nerdcore song that doesn’t explicitly mention nerdy things – there are many nerdcore songs that are more introspective, or just about pudding or something, which is not very nerdy, but is quite delicious.

Now, as we all know, liking Harry Potter is a nerdy thing to do, and making music about it is even nerdier.  So, it would definitely be odd if the genre of nerdcore was absent in the wizardly department, which it is not.  Thus, I have compiled a list of the top ten harry potter references in nerdcore, because I really think the nerdcore community and the wizard rock community have a lot in common, and can find a lot of merit in each other’s music.

10. Nursehella – “Nursehellamentary

Before I really get into the meat of the article, I do have to take a moment to thank Z (or is it Z.?) of Hipster, please! for his help in compiling this list.  You should really check out his blog if you want news both nerdy and wizardly, both musical and… um, non-musical.  Ahem.  Anyways, he turned me on to Nursehella, who I hadn’t even heard of before, who, in her song, “Nursehellamentary”, has the following line:

Let’s play spin the bottle – do you look like Harry Potter?

My kisses never miss, you’ll be reduced to Bantha fodder.

Now, this isn’t exactly a really deep, canon-probing reference, which is why it’s in the number 10 slot, but it’s still pretty fun, implying that Harry is hot is never a bad thing, and rhyming it with a somewhat obscure Star Wars reference just bumps up the Win Scale a few notches.

9. Kabuto The Python – “Fatterrific and Moth Diss

This is not the only KTP track on this list, so I’ll talk more about Kabuto later.  For now, enjoy the following lyrics:

With the herbals, I rap real slow, I like turtles

You moaning Myrtles moan to purple dildos in your ass

Ain’t no prolapse – like you put Bilbo in your ass

Now, while Kabuto does get points taken off for rhyming “in your ass” with “in your ass”, they get given back (grudgingly), because it’s really more rhyming “dildos” and “Bilbos”.  Also, Kabuto gets even more points for saying “moaning myrtles”, and thus, referencing not just Harry Potter, but a wizard rock band, but gets those points taken away because the reference to the band was almost certainly unintentional, and the pluralizing of Myrtle was probably just to rhyme better with “turtles”.  So, we’re looking at about an even outcome, but just the fact the he used the word “prolapse” gives him a few more points.  Still, not a very deep or long reference, but a fun one nonetheless.

8. Kabuto the Python – “Reference Desk

“Reference Desk” is a bit of a tongue-in-cheek song because Kabuto fits in references to all manners of media outputs, but there is a bit of an underlying sense of “Here, have your fucking references to nerdy things.  Are you happy now?  I’m gonna continue making my album now.”  Kabuto is less of a guy rapping about nerdy things, and more of just a nerdy guy who raps, and thus nerdy things often trickle down, just because that’s who he is, but he doesn’t often make overt efforts to reference things – he’s just generally genuinely nerdy.  Anywho, here’s the lyrics in question:

I saw Twilight, I think somebody’s testes were maimed

Shit was suspect – Edward isn’t sexing no gains

And Draco Malfoy’s getting decked on the train

With some real street magic, what the f, David Blaine?

Also, later, in the same song, there’s this:

And I’ll leave your head red – Ginny and Ron

I’ve got the pride of a conqueror – Timothy Zahn

I really appreciate that Kabuto has a whole section were he references a lot of books – the first section of lyrics that I quoted was preceded by a really great Discworld reference – and a Twilight diss never hurts.  Also, double points for a double reference!

7. Emergency Pizza Party – “Now Hiring (feat. Kabuto The Python)

Now, I know it says this track features KTP, but I promise, he doesn’t have anything to do with this one.  “Now Hiring” is a track all about the members of the awesomely titles band Emergency Pizza Party wishing for, getting, and promptly abusing an intern.

Rob Gamestop, while you’re at it,

Kill Harry Potter and steal his magic!

While some might object to the fact that the only reference to HP is about killing the main character (and some might heartily approve), I do like the implication the Harry shops at Gamestop.  Though that does seem odd, since Gamestop appears to be run by Voldemort, or at least Umbridge.

6. Kabuto The Python – The Parseltongue Mixtape

GODDAMIT KABUTO, STOP HOGGING MY LIST.  I swear, this is the last we’ll see of him… for awhile.  The Parseltongue Mixtape was my introduction to Kabuto, and I highly recommend you click that link above and check it out (it’s free).  Now, besides the explanatory line “Parseltongue means I can speak as a snake do”, there are no Harry Potter references in the entire album, which is sort of funny, because outside of this album, Kabuto has been pretty prolific in terms of HP references, in comparison to rest of nerdcore.  The song “Advent” from an album of rejected tracks explores the parseltongue/snake connection a bit more, but it’s not much more than elaborating on the above line.  Still, it really does work with Kabuto’s snake-centered image and iconography, and, hey, the one reference in the album is in the FREAKIN’ ALBUM TITLE.  So that’s pretty damn cool.

5. Dr. Awkward – “Geekquilibrium

I love Dr. Awkward, and you should too, and not just because his name is a palindrome.  Now, I do love Kabuto, but he’s a bit… abrasive, both lyrically and in delivery.  If you want some hip-hop that goes down a bit smoother and has more of an emphasis on catchy hooks as well as rhythmically delivered lyrics over wicked beats, then I strongly recommend you check out the good doctor.  Anywho, “Geekquilibrium” is a track all about balancing being a hardcore geek with being, well, an adult.  It’s about balancing the desire to be up front about your loves and interests, and declaring them to the world, and also being taken seriously by your peers in the workforce and just the general public.  With that information, let’s dive right into the following lyrics, shall we?

Outside I got a mainstream exteria’

Inside houses my true love for materia

Or inferius, the half-blood prince

Think to the future and I often wince

At the idea that nerd life could someday end

And I’d never again see Ryu or Ken

I love this whole song (though I don’t quite have the same problem, I can sympathize with people who do), and I really appreciate a nice fat Harry Potter reference right in the middle of the section all about loving nerdom and never wanting it end, which I something I think we can all agree we wish for.

4. Dr. Awkward – “DualShAwks

Hey, it’s Doc Awk again!  Sweet.  “DualShAwks” is more of a traditional, bragging rap, but it’s good solid fun.  The reference this time around is short but oh so sweet:

People who know my patronus is a rancor

Now, for those of you who don’t know their Star Wars, firstly, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!, and secondly, this is what a rancor looks like:

Also, in the interests of complete clarity, here is the lego version of a rancor:

BEST. PATRONUS. EVER.

3. Kabuto The Python – “Cumfucius Say (Cumfucius Diss)

I promise, this is the last time Kabuto is on this list.  But this song has the second-lengthiest Harry Potter reference I’ve seen in nerdcore, and it’s pretty funny, not just for it’s actual lyrical content, but because it is so absolutely tangential to a song that is supposedly about dissing a fellow rapper.  You’ll see what I mean:

I do what you like to do better than you

e.g. Hermione Granger sent me several ludes

‘Cause she’s a lady of taste – Kabuto make her *Ooh!* louder

I travel direct to her pad by floo powder

My spoo showered on her Gryffindor robe

I cast Quickus Drycleanus then I’m hitting the road

Damn, son.  Not having any HP references in the Parseltongue mixtape was worth it if storing all them in caused this jem.  Even better, after this lengthy section, there’s yet another HP reference: “Meanwhile, you rap about dicks and shit / Rule 34 and motherfucking hippogriffs”.  I doff my hat to thee, sir, I doff my hat.

2. YTCracker – “In My Time

I love this one so much that we’re going to skip my blabbering, okay?

In my time I seen empires crumble

In my time I seen Snape kill Dumble

In my time I seen fools’ net stumble

In my time I seen loud go humble

In my time I seen bubbles burst

And in my time I seen Hubbles cursed

In my time I seen trouble hurts

And in my time I been through worse

Now, the HP reference is relegated to just one line, yes, but I wanted to post the entirety of the chorus so you can understand what it’s all about.  The chorus is a collection of the triumphs and (mostly) tragedies that YT has been through in his time, and the fact that Dumbledore’s death makes the cut is too awesome for words.  Also, it’s just a fantastic, song, and I highly recommend you check out both the original and the remix featured on the awesome collection of geek rock, nerdcore, and even wizrock remixes, Old Nerdy Bastard.  Seriously, download this album, it’s free, and it’s what started me on the trek to nerdcore conversion.

And now the number one reference in nerdcore is…

MC Chris – “Neville

So, for the longest time, when planning out this article in my head, “In My Time” was going to get the number one slot – that was certain.  And then Z hooked me up with MC Chris’ AMAZING track, “Neville”, which is pretty much a wizard rock (or wizard rap, as it were) song – the entire thing is a giant freakin’ Harry Potter reference, and sometimes get into pretty minute details, and it’s just sitting there on one of his EPs nestled in with other nerdy tracks that reference completely disparate sources.  AWESOME.

Listen to the song and read along with the lyrics below!

I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
I break it up like it was horcruxes

Loved by the kitchen staff I’m why the Weasleys laugh
Know my way around in fact I memorized marauders map
If you have to ask what it’s like and how longs it last
Kinda sorta felt like wearing a flaming sorting hat
Name is Neville I’m a rebel don’t worry about detention
Did I fail to mention that my specialty’s suspension
As in getting lifted I’m a hippy comes to Hogwarts hookups
I’m the kid you look up when you feel like getting shook up
I got cockroach clusters I got them chocolate frogs
I got every flavor made by that babe Bertie Botts
I got what you want I got what you need
I got those wizzy beats so fizzy you say wizard please
I’m summoned with a spell cause pagers are prohibited
You can go to hell if you think my times unlimited
I’ll meet you by the willow kid if you prefer the forest
Just bring that goblin gold and don’t wake Mrs. Norris – what!

I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
I break it up like it was horcruxes

They say that I am lacking and I ain’t up to snuff
Snape’s always on my case cause he secretly sucks
It’s hard remembering stuff I think my brain has been wiped
Like I might have seen some shit that would scar you for life
So they think that I’m a fuck up and it’s brilliantly clever
So many things I can’t remember like where’s my toad Trevor
Can I ask for the password I fear I have forgotten
Call me Neville Longbottom I leave every bong rotten
Love treacle, Buckbeak elf eye to Ireland
Meet me at the one eye’d witch or room of requirement
Step back catch a cactus blast of my stinksap
Chill Dumbledore is down in fact he likes a fat sack
If you want a break from the stress and the studies
Holler at your buddy and I’ll make you feel funny
I’m the pudgy pure blood packin unicorn power
Up in the highest tower where I fire up my flowers – what!

*coughing*
“This is stupid guys
This is stupid we’re wasting our money
We should be using magic.”

I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
I break it up like it was horcruxes

I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
I break it up like it was horcruxes

Pretty amazing, huh?  It has quickly catapulted itself to being one of my favorite wizraps, and wizard rock songs in general, and it’s by an outsider.  This song even managed to do one of my favorite things in wizard rock – it made me consider the canon in a way I never had before, the same way Justin Finch Fletchley‘s “Decisions To Make” made me realize new things about Snape and Dumbledore’s relationship.  Now, this one isn’t as big, but the line “that babe Bertie Botts” made me realize for the first time that the maker of Every Flavor Beans was female.  Yes, this isn’t really a startling revelation, it’s actually quite obvious, but I’d never considered the gender of a magical bean maker before.  Also, I really like how this is from the POV of a Neville that knows about the prophecy and about how close he came – and that this is a really bad-ass Neville, brimming with self-confidence – that, and weed.  It’s all enough to excuse a couple minor factual errors – like the Knight Bus being a triple-decker, not a double, but that’s of really no consequence.

I really hope that this article gets at least a couple people to try out nerdcore, because it’s a musical genre that’s definitely worthy of attention, especially if you are into other non-HP nerdy things.  All the names of the songs are download links for the song, just right-click and save-as (Yes, even if you are on a mac – buy a goddamn two button mouse already – it makes life so much easier), and sometime, maybe soon, maybe not, I’ll have a post over on the tumblr about good free nerdcore albums to listen to to ease yourself into the genre.

See you next time!

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19 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. TracyS
    Oct 16, 2010 @ 00:59:09

    Thanks for an interesting article on a genre I never knew existed.

    I have a version of ‘In My Time’ by Dumbledork. I don’t know if this is a cover of the YTCracker song, or vice versa-or whether they are the same person, but I’ve always rather liked the song.

    I also own a copy of Nerdlust (PEEVED remix) by Schaffer the Darklord who once appeared in Wizrocklopedia’s list of wrock bands, but has since disappeared, obviously to Nerdcore instead

    Reply

    • wrocksnob
      Oct 16, 2010 @ 01:20:11

      The version I linked to for download for “In My Time” is actually the Dumbledork remix – the lyrics and rapping are done by YTCracker, and Dumbledork remixed the shit out of it, adding in some dope beats, and… goat bleats. That should be Dumbledork’s tagline: “Dope beats and goat bleats!” Try to say that three times fast. I dare ya. Also, Peeved is probably the most talented remixer in wrockdom. And a genreally talented guy all around. I just wish he made more music, because it’s SO DAMN GOOD.

      Reply

  2. TracyS
    Oct 16, 2010 @ 01:13:15

    Have now checked out the Hipster Please blog and see both the songs I mentioned are on their free album. Off to listen to more nerdcore…

    Reply

  3. VoldeMargo
    Oct 16, 2010 @ 14:57:45

    I have one tiny editorial nit to pick. Dr. Awkward isn’t an anagram, it’s a palindrome.

    -Ragtag Miser Nan
    (Margaret Lingas)
    Geddit??? 😀

    Reply

    • wrocksnob
      Oct 16, 2010 @ 16:10:46

      Oh, damn. Yeah, my mistake – thanks for pointing it out. This is what happens when I write the bulk of my reviews between the hours of 9:00 and 2:00 – pm to am.

      Reply

  4. free_geek
    Oct 16, 2010 @ 16:19:41

    First off, a tip of the hat to the snob for the article, it’s good to see some cross scene love. I gotta disagree about placement though, the rancor line from Doc should have been number 1. Insanely great line from one of the best nerdcore anthems we got.

    Second, links to free stuff.

    http://www.hipsterplease.com/2008/05/old-nerdy-bastard.html
    is the comp that Tracy refers to, there are several remixed WRock numbers on that comp that folks should check out. I especially recommend the 2DefMice remix of Red Hair and the D-Form remix of Halloween at Hogwarts.

    Fun side fact, as I understand it, upon hear Peeved’s remix of Nerd Lust, Schaffer The Darklord dropped the original beat for the song from his live show and started using the Peeved remix instead.

    Also, you can grab free albums from Kabuto, Dr Awkward, and EPP (including all of the above tracks I think) from their label Scrub Club records
    http://scrubclubrecords.com/9/

    There’s also a ton of other great free stuff on that site as well for those who are curious about checking out more nerdcore.

    OK, I’ll stop spamming. Again, thanks to snob and hopefully we’ll see some more cross scene love in the future.

    Reply

    • wrocksnob
      Oct 16, 2010 @ 16:31:48

      “Fun side fact, as I understand it, upon hearing Peeved’s remix of Nerd Lust, Schaffer The Darklord dropped the original beat for the song from his live show and started using the Peeved remix instead.”

      That is SO COOL. Thanks for digging the article, and while I do agree that the rancor line is amazing, I had to give it up to the two really extended HP references, and, well, “In My Time” was the first nerdcore song I ever truly loved (though definitely not the last), so it used its wiles to get so high up. I mean, before I heard “Neville”, it was gonna be number one. It’s tricksy, it is. And yeah, I’d like to see some more cross scene love too, and I will be doing a list of some good nerdcore albums to ease oneself in over on my tumblr… eventually.

      Reply

  5. Arodhwen
    Oct 19, 2010 @ 08:38:37

    Have you heard this one?
    *searches*
    *searches more*
    *sighs in frustration*
    *SEARCHES*
    AHA!
    Here you go.

    Reply

  6. weight loss calculator
    Oct 25, 2010 @ 12:37:03

    you should use a weight loss calculator

    Reply

  7. viaga kaufen
    Oct 30, 2010 @ 01:17:06

    Hello!, Very interest angle, we were talking about the same thing at work and found your site very stimulating. So felt compelled to com?ment a little thank you for all your effort. Please keep up the great work your doing!

    Reply

  8. Tawni
    Nov 12, 2010 @ 21:28:21

    Oh good heavens that “Neville” is so amazing.

    Reply

  9. Matt
    Mar 24, 2013 @ 05:57:03

    Neville is also a famous cannabis botanist, hence the song being about weed when there is really no reason to think Neville in HP would smoke, but being that they are both botanists it works on that level. I don’t think many people catch on to this little aspect of the song.

    Reply

  10. Ginny Weasley
    Oct 09, 2013 @ 12:24:17

    Just wondering…. WHERE THE EFF IS HANK GREEN ON THIS LIST

    Reply

    • wrocksnob
      Dec 13, 2013 @ 14:43:55

      Ummm… nowhere? Because Hank Green is not nerdcore? Nerdcore is a genre of music that can most quickly be summarized as “nerdy rap”. Hank Green makes nerdy music, to be sure, but he is not a rapper, and moreover is not part of the Nerdcore community. Nerdfighter music, wizard rock, and nerdcore are all similar, and do share some fan overlap, but they are still separate and distinct communities.

      Reply

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