SnobCon 2011

BIG NEWS, FOLKS!

THE WROCK SNOB IS NOW RUNNING LEAKYCON 2011!  HIT THE JUMP TO SEE THE SPECTACULAR NEW CHANGES ON THE HORIZON!

The first and most obvious change is the renaming of the event from LeakyCon 2011 to SnobCon2011 – while we here at WrockSnob Enterprises love and adore the Leaky Cauldron namebrand (many of us on the board of directors grew up with it), we’ve decided that it would be a good idea to have a name change coinciding with our hostile corporate takeover, so as not to confuse both consumers and investors.

But while the name may have changed, you’ll still be getting the ol’ LeakyCon experience you now and love!  Incidentally, the word “LeakyCon” (with OR without appended numbers of any sort, even imaginary and irrational ones) is now also property of WrockSnob Enterprises – if you wish to use it at any time, anywhere, be it in scholarly works, casual conversation, or even the comments for this post, you must send a formal request for limited use of the words “Leaky”, “Con”, and “LeakyCon” in writing, accompanied by a homemade baked good of some sort (our postman does tend to get hungry, and it’s the holiday season, so…).  After waiting 4-6 weeks, you should receive in the mail written notification of whether your request was approved or denied.  Any person or persons found infringing upon our right as a corporation to infringe upon your right as a human to free speech shall be dealt with harshly.

Now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way, we’d like to take this opportunity to inform you about what sort of “programming”, “events”, and… “fun” you can expect from your magical weekend in Orlando (besides, of course, the blistering hot sun, the rampaging insects, and the hurricanes).  Now, while we all love a certain book and movie series about a certain Roald Dahl-esque young lad (big shock: he’s an orphan), who goes on the hero journey, as well as the Christ cycle, literary alchemy, and possibly the Ring Cycle, we also love writing in all it’s forms.  That’s why we’re very proud to announce something BIG happening at SnobCon11!

What do Maureen Johnson, John Green, and Scott Westerfeld all have in common?  They all own and operate twitter accounts, of course!  That’s why on the first day of SnobCon, you will be able to experience the first ever Tweet Day – a chance to talk directly to your favorite tweeters, ask questions, get autographs, and maybe even gain a little advice for those budding writers out there who aspire to one day have a twitter account of their own!

Note: SnobCon11 and Wrock Snob Enterprises does not in any way guarantee that any attendees of this or any forthcoming SnobCons will one day manage to attain their own twitter account, and will stubbornly ignore all attempts to sue SnobCon11 (or 13, or 15, etc.) or Wrock Snob Enterprises for emotional damages due to dreams deferred, dried, festered, runned, stinked, crusted, sagged, or exploded.

We will of course also offer the same sort of high-quality formal programming you’ve come to expect at conventions such as this one!  There will be fourteen different keynotes, all of which you should definitely attend, all of which do cost a tad more money, and all of which will have the Wrock Snob as the speaker.  There will also be many workshops you can attend, where you will be forced to make shoddy trinkets emblazoned with the logos of SnobCon11 and Wrock Snob Enterprises, in return for just enough money to survive, but never enough to save up and leave for (slightly) greener pastures – bring your kids!

SnobCon11 will of course offer our attendees many round tables, as well as some square tables, plenty of rectangular tables, and even a few triangular tables for those sexual deviants out there.  As usual, there will be panels of all shapes and sizes, and while we can’t say anything for certain yet, there is a very good possibility that there will be a special guest to host a certain panel! Of course, the meat of any convention is the presentations done by a variety of speakers on a variety of topics.  This year, we are proud to announce that every single presentation will be made by the Wrock Snob!  Here’s a small sampling of the topics you can expect to have covered:

  • Principles Of Reviewing: The Title
  • Principles Of Reviewing: The Snarky Asides And Take-Thats
  • Principles Of Reviewing: Blathering Off-Topic
  • Principles Of Reviewing: The Solid Gold “F”
  • Slacking Off For Fun And Profit
  • How To Start A Fight On Twitter
  • Profanity And The Few Times You Should Not Use It
  • YouTube Links And The Few Times You Should Not Use Them
  • Puns And The Few Times You Should Not Use Them
  • Is The Wrock Snob The Chosen One? – It has long been prophesied that a chosen one would bring balance to the snark.  While this fresh-faced youth may seem reckless and brash, he is imbued with the highest concentration of wittychlorians ever seen…

For those of you foolish enough to help unleash another generation of spawn upon the Earth, there will be programming for youth – especially the aforementioned workshops!  There will also be lots of informal programming, including broom sports, podcasts, movie screenings, and of course, wizard rock, each of which will be expanded upon a bit below.

Broom Sports: This year, Wrock Snob Enterprises is proud to announce the first ever Wronski Feint Challenge – contestants will climb to the top of some tall building in scenic downtown Orlando, and jump from it, with a broom betwixt their legs, nestled against their nethers.  Contestants will attempt to fall as close to the ground as possible before flying upward, and without actually hitting the ground.  Some paperwork beforehand may be necessary to participate.

Podcasts: SnobCon11 will feature all sorts of live podcasts, from the Snob Podcast to SnobCast to the Podcast of Snob.  Check back later for specific times and entry fees.

Movie Screenings: Wrock Snob Enterprises are very proud to announce that SnobCon11 will play host to the world premiere of The Wrock Snob Presents: The Wrock Snob’s The Wrock Snob – The Wrock Snob Story featuring The Wrock Snob as The Wrock Snob.  This is one event you WON’T wish to miss.

Wizard Rock: OF COURSE wizard rock!  In the spirit of Jingle Spells 4, SnobCon11 will have an open casting call for all wizard rock bands who wish to play in front of a large and appreciative audience.  However, please note that your band must either be less than a year old, or have less than 500 friends on MySpace, preferably both.

Lastly, we have a very special announcement for all you fangirls out there: we have very recently confirmed that SnobKid Wrocker will be at SnobCon, performing various songs from their two hit shows, “A Very Snobby Musical” and “A Very Snobby Sequel”.  And don’t quote us on this, but rumour has it that there might even be “A Very Snobby Threequel”…

That concludes our rundown on what to expect from SnobCon11.  We hope to see you there, and please keep in mind the new laws regarding mandatory attendance to SnobCon11 (and all proceeding conventions) instated by our newly elected commander-in-grief, President Wrock Snob, who is not at all a puppet for the Cylon occupation of New Snobica.  Definitely not.

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14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. WRocker
    Dec 07, 2010 @ 12:11:36

    Can’t wait for ******** 2011! Just sent in my request to use the word *********. This is just too exciting!

    Reply

  2. Sam Harris
    Dec 07, 2010 @ 12:41:55

    Holy fuck. Seriously, this sounds like the best convention ever.
    By the way, I used the word Leaky in my college essay. Do I have to pay a fine?

    Reply

    • wrocksnob
      Dec 07, 2010 @ 19:43:26

      Depends on when you wrote the essay. Our lawyers tell us that as of right now, we cannot sue people for previous usage of the aforementioned words, but we hope to sue you in the future!

      Reply

  3. Lena
    Dec 07, 2010 @ 13:16:36

    I’ve just decided I’m co-hosting “how to start a fight on twitter.”

    Reply

  4. VoldeMargo
    Dec 07, 2010 @ 14:05:06

    I have the sudden urge to go bungee jumping with ‘a broom betwixt my legs’. I shall plummet downwards, screech ‘WRONSKI FEINT’, and pull out of my dive rather less gracefully than Viktor Krum.

    Reply

  5. Daisy
    Dec 07, 2010 @ 15:47:34

    Y’know, I think I could definitely benefit from Slacking Off For Fun and Profit. I need to learn how to work profit in there somewhere. So excited for–wait, I think I have to register that word first.

    And of course, I never doubted the president of New Snobica.

    Reply

  6. russbenoit
    Dec 07, 2010 @ 17:51:04

    I’m going to form a band just before SnobCon and write the songs onstage. No one will know who we are or what we’re playing, because we’ll be playing everything in drop A grindcore style. I think we’ll be a shoo-in for “WrockSnob’s Favorite Performance at SnobCon ’11”

    Reply

  7. Melissa
    Dec 08, 2010 @ 06:26:54

    I…. don’t even know what to say to this. LOL

    Reply

  8. Melissa
    Dec 08, 2010 @ 10:06:54

    Yes I do:

    I assume the big point here is that you will actually be there. 🙂

    Reply

    • wrocksnob
      Dec 08, 2010 @ 10:37:57

      Of course I will be there – after all, I’m conducting, the new musical, “The Final Article”, remember? Oh right, you wouldn’t know because you are no longer invited to the board meetings because now you are naught but a LOWLY PEON. I spit upon thee.

      Reply

  9. Arodhwen
    Dec 09, 2010 @ 22:53:25

    I know not all of this was serious, but… PLEASE can there be “A Very Snobby Musical?”

    On a side note, you should get better lawyers. They’ve incorrectly informed you about scholarly things. I can write L**kyC*n all I want when I’m writing scholarly things. It’s all Fair Use-y. No copyright can take that away from me. So 😛

    Reply

  10. Elizabeth
    Dec 13, 2010 @ 20:19:55

    I’m all for a Wronski Feint Contest.

    Reply

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