The Top 10 Coolest Wizard Rock Merch

[I had the idea to do this for a long time, and this empty draft with only a title sat in WordPress for at least a couple years. Now, besides t-shirts (that was supposed to be a different article), I really can’t remember most wrock merch, so here’s what we’re gonna do – I’m gonna blather some about what I remember, and all you spambots can post your favorites!]

The Whomping Willows beer koozies were pretty cool. I wish I knew where mine was. The Moaning Myrtles “50 Points if it goes through her HEAD!” custom frisbees were both an insanely clever idea, and well-designed to boot. My favorite merch item of all time will forever be that time Harry and the Potters tried to sell a jar filled with bacon grease for what, 20 bucks? Then there’s the time they went on tour with PotterPuppetPals and sold VHS copies of ET (“The classic family movie!”) for 100 cold boonbonds. That means dollars. Anyway, did anyone attend The Sweetwater All-Stars’ 2010 Wampum Willow show? She just had a giant chest filled with all sorts of random stuff from Goodwill branded to be wizardy – a toy shark that says “WIZROCK” on the bottom in glitter pen, various arts and crafts things, I think there was the HPA logo made out of pipe cleaners – a really clever and great way to do cheap merch.

Let’s see, what else? Hey, did MoM ever even do merch? I honestly can’t remember a single non-CD merch item from them – like, not a t-shirt or anything. Weird. The Remus Lupins didn’t do much beyond (usually pretty damn great) t-shirts, as far as I recall. Ooh, there was that year HatP put up a cheap random bonus item each day in December, selling all sorts of memorabilia! That was fun – I wish I got that belt buckle. I seem to remember there being something great that The Blibbering Humdingers made but I don’t remember what. Does all those socks MC Kreacher threw at people during his concerts count as merch? Then of course there’s an honorable mention to all those fucking tiny wizard rock pins, which became an artistic endeavor in and of itself.

Ooh, JFF had some fun stuff – particularly branded kazoos and house-themed pirate eyepatches! Those “postcards” were not so great tho – they were just decently amusing art printed on both sides of cardstock, making them functionally useless as postcards, and impractical even as art, because you had to buy two sets to display each piece. Look at me, I’m the Merch Snob now. Speaking of which, there was a t-shirt sold by the people behind The Final Battle musical, that just said “MERCH” on it, and was really kind of odd, because if it had said “Merch Girl”, that would both be a funny fandom in-joke, and also wouldn’t make it sound like you consider yourself a commodity to be sold by sweaty North Eastern musicians when you wear it.

Oh, and Lena Gabrielle’s The Warlock’s Hairy Heart had some decent merch attached to it, especially temporary tattoos – it’s kind of a shame more acts didn’t go that route; they’re fairly cheap and it’d have been cool to wear various band’s logos right on your body. Wait, do Snitchwitches count as merch? Not that I would know, seeing as I’VE NEVER FUCKING GOTTEN ONE. [In the time since writing this article and now, I HAVE finally gotten a Snitchwich! Hooray!]

Okay, that’s all I can think of, though I’m sure I’m missing lots. What’s some of your favorite wizard rock non-t-shirt merch?


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. katekintail
    Jul 18, 2013 @ 08:05:23

    Blibbering Humdingers’ Snape underwear line (gray underpants, cauldron boxers… are satin thongs next?), their house socks (insanely comfy and well made), Wizard Rocks (rocks with spells and words on them–simple but, yeah, I bought, like, 3), Hufflepuff sandwich lunch bags, Blibbering Humdinger duckies (I’m still kicking myself for not buying one of those).

    TWG’s terrifying Leth-i-fold action figures.

    Witherwings’ glittery bags are awesome. A while back, Whompy had a music + tree = love tote bag that I love as well.

    Lauren-Myrtle’s owl stuffies were/are fantastic and are now available with a whole host of friends on her etsy line, all of which are pretty much too cute to even exist.

    Didn’t Swish & flick have malfoy booty shorts for sale at some point? I recall them being for sale when the dance team was added to the performances, but as I don’t have the figure to pull those off, I can’t confirm by looking at my merch stashes.

    At the first Sonorus WRock festival, Fred & George the band drew cartoon portraits of people in house outfits or whatever they wished. That was pretty darn awesome.

    I collect fandomy ornaments, so JFF’s ornaments are a cute addition to my tree; the postcards are fine if you slip them into existing letters/cards to people. And how clever was his Occupy Malfoy Manor t-shirt? Very.

    DatM had their albums on a custom DatM guitar flashdrive. That was super clever. And speaking of album presentations, Whompy had an album download card made of paper you could plant to grow flowers/trees. Which is all kinds of perfection.

    Also, HatP’s toothbrushes are classic.

    MoM had some shirts for a brief point in time; I remember them being sold at a Yule Ball. If I’d known I’d never see such things again, I would have bought one then, but they sold out in something like 20 minutes.

    I found myself collecting WRock pins from different groups. It was inevitable. Incidentally, I found that I can’t resist cool merch packages. “Buy two shirts and get this pigmy puff for free!” Well, I only wanted the one shirt, but you betcha! *buys*


  2. katekintail
    Jul 18, 2013 @ 08:16:34

    Oh, and how did I forget to mention TWG’s epic “WRock out with your cock out (its cry will kill basalisks)” sticker?


  3. Syrup Tits
    Jul 22, 2013 @ 14:30:17

    I am wearing a Hairy Heart temp. tattoo on my chest right now. Sexy and I know it.

    My Malfoy booty shorts are a prized item, as I’m a huge S&F fangirl.

    I definitely agree with you on the Moaning Myrtles frisbee, SUPER clever.


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