The 10 Best Short Harry and the Potters Songs

So, a [very very long {like really an incredibly long}] while back, Matt of The Whomping Willows was live-tweeting his thoughts on Jingle Spells 4, and he mentioned “that weird universe of < 1 minute @hatp songs”, and put “When Bellatrix Came Over For Christmas/What?!” in the top five.  So, I decided to go back through the shorter Harry and the Potters songs and see which ones are my favorites.  It is difficult to decide where to draw the line, time wise, because there is no discernible jump between any of HatP’s songs – they just steadily climb up from “Fluffy” and “Honeydukes” (17 seconds) to “Phoenix Song” (six minutes, twenty-four seconds).  So, I’m only slightly changing the criterion to equal to or less than one minute and one second, mostly because there’s a song of that length that I really want to highlight.  Also, I am only counting the recorded versions of the songs, not any live recordings, just because song lengths change when live, so it’d get confusing, and we’re trying to stay scientific about this, right?  Lastly, I have purchased, but not yet listened to Priori Incantatem – it’s on the pile, I swear.  Okay, that was an unnecessarily long intro – let’s jump in!

[I seem to have a lot of introductory paragraphs with no article to go with them. Ah, well. I think I still have that list floating somewhere around here. …No, I don’t, actually. Dammit. Okay, let’s just fucking do this thing. No, no wait I found it. Let’s still fucking do this thing.]

{And then I wrote an entire article and published it. Or I thought I did, but wordpress bugged out on me. This happened like 3-4 years ago. I was frustrated and did not return to it. While I might flesh the article out more, for now I’ll just stick to the list I still miraculously have on my computer, and just saw a few words about each song, making this more a true list than a listicle. Whateva.}

10. Accio Hagrid

A great song on mp3, but one of the many, many Harry and the Potters songs that are even better live. While this song is low on the list, for whatever reasons that made sense to me when I first constructed this order like 5 years ago, it is one of the best songs on this list in terms of live performances. There is something dorky, endearing, and magical about hundreds of people acting like they’re at summer bible camp and doing arm motions with simple words and an earworm tune. A staple of live shows, and rightly so.

9. The Hogwarts Tonsil Hockey Team

Man, that Zambonis Split EP is weird. Like, the music is pretty straightforward fun stuff, but the fact that it exists at all is almost terrifyingly strange. Also, the law of averages states that something so miraculously weird happening also means that its very existence pushes back the cure for cancer by like 20 years. So thanks for that. But this song about snogging is fun, and has a nice little chiptune-esque arpeggio sting in the middle.

8. The Radio

Yep, another song from the Enchanted Ceiling EP. Dudes, that album is so fun. And so is this song. The most interesting thing about this song to me is that it feels like a perfect song to have at or near the beginning of a live show, but I don’t remember ever hearing it live. I could be totes wrong, but it’s not in my memory banks.

7. The Enchanted Ceiling

Yep, another song from the Enchanted Ceiling EP. Dudes, that album is so weird. And so is this song. Like, it’s just a chilled-out not-quite-psychedelic song about Harry wanting to eat a ceiling, and by association, the universe. Like, the Boy-Who-Lived wants to go all Galactus up in this shit. How the hell did this song even come about? Note to self – if you ever interview HatP again, ask about this.

6. Everlasting Icicles

This song is soft, sweet, and sad. It’s honestly one of the saddest songs the DeGeorges have ever made, despite being short and still, on the whole, silly. But it’s hard not to get feels about an 11 year old orphan overjoyed to see icicles because it reminds him of his favorite (only?) treat as a child. Sad shit, yo.

5. Vernon Dursley

I’m honestly surprised it took this long for HatP to make a Sesame Street styled song, complete with penny whistle. Or slide whistle? Jaw harp?? Mouth trumpet??? Elbow kazoo???? FOOT THEREMIN??????

Anyway, this acronymistic song is a fun ditty about someone we love to hate. There’s something to be explored about the inherent fatphobia of the series and the Dahlian trope of evil fat people, and how this song reflects that, but that’s for an actually earnestly thought out article. For this crappy listicle, I’ll let it slide.

4. Haircut

Few songs equal “The Economics Of The Wizarding World Don’t Make Sense” in terms of how fucking fun it can be to belt along, but “Haircut” is definitely up there. Should be played live more often – easy to sing along to, and just damn fun.

3. When Bellatrix Came Over for Xmas/What?!

Ha, Whompy! Top 5? Really? I put this song in the Top 3! SO THERE.

I’ve already talked about my love for this song, so let me just say that the sax is super cool in this track. Nice.

2. This Book is so Awesome

Of course. Obviously. This had to be here. Ooh note to self if you ever do that extra HatP interview – ask how much this song was intentionally meta, or if it also being about Harry Potter and books in general was something the fandom picked up and ran with. Regardless, one of the true anthems of the genre. Wonderful stuff.

1. Ms. Norris

I really really like this song. It’s 61 seconds long, which is the entire reason I pushed the restrictions for this list up – so I could use this song. And for good reason – it’s really good! However, while I still do really like the beginning and how it’s got this dweeby trying-to-be-cool-but-youre-still-a-thirteen-year-old-with-glasses charm to it, when I relistened to it for the purposes of this article, I liked it, but I didn’t love it the way I remember loving it. Like, I remember adoring the shit out of this song. And it’s a really good song! I just suddenly don’t think it’s quite as good as I used to. No reason at all, it just doesn’t set off the same endorphin rushes it used to.

To be fair, this might have something to do with the meds cocktail I take now, and the chemically-influence seizure disorder I have developed since I used to listen to this daily.

…well that’s a bummer ending to an article. Woops.

Wrock Snob out.


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