The Wrock Snob at LeakyCon 2016!

For those who didn’t see, the LeakyCon programming schedule is now up! I’ve got to say, I’m impressed – it’s not too usual that the con schedule is up and ready in the month before the actual con. Not that LeakyCon has ever been mismanaged – or more accurately, it’s never been sloppily managed – still, it’s a good sign, and hey, it’s always fun to check things out ahead of time and plan your weekend. When I was a kid and I knew we were going to Disneyland or Legoland or whatever that summer, I would spend hours upon hours poring over all the park maps and ride and attraction descriptions, meticulously planning every detail. And then we’d get there and it all went out the window as soon as I saw someone from The Lion King. I saw Rafiki once! As a white person who grew up with The Lion King, and someone who still holds that up as the greatest of the Disney Renaissance films, Rafiki is one of those characters I’ve long since ended up wondering whether or not he’s racist. Also, is it, like, racist for me to quote him/do impressions? Because like many quotes from that movie (“I’m surrounded by idiots”, “Everything the light touches…”, “Luau!“), “No… Look harder…” has found its way into my daily vocabulary.

You see, tangents like this are why I should never be allowed anywhere near a microphone. So, here are the times I will be allowed in front of a microphone:


October 20th, 2-2:50 PM, Hollywood Room

See, this is why I just like using “queer” and “genderqueer” as catch-all terms – it’s a hell of a lot less syllables, plus, I’m always a big fan of taking back a derogatory slur. Also, I know some people like QILTBAG or variants thereof, but, like, quiltbag is just not a cool name, you know? Makes me think of old Mennonite women. Nothing against old Mennonite women – they are famously good at Dutch Blitz. Seriously, do not play Dutch Blitz against an old Mennonite woman if spoons are on the line. Krom above I am proving my point about how I should never be allowed near microphones over and over. Anyway, I will be on this meetup panel with a bunch of other cool people. Tbh I’m not super-sure how one runs a meetup or what we’ll be doing, but it’ll prolly be super chill.

Neither Witch Nor Wizard: A Trans and Non-Binary Meetup

October 20th, 3-3:50 PM, Hollywood Room

And then directly after that, I basically get to shout “Now all the cis scum MUST LEAVE”, and then all the trans and enby magical folk can watch me hilariously flail around as I try to figure out what running a meetup even consists of! Honestly, I really don’t know what to expect just because I have no idea what the turnout is gonna be like. For some reason, in my head is the number 500 for how many tickets to LeakyCon there are, but I have no idea if that’s accurate at all, and given there’s still tickets left, I feel it might not be entirely accurate? But if it is… like I really don’t know. It might just be me and like 4 other people. If that’s the case, we can just take turns using the mic to tell fart jokes and complain about clothing. AHHHH I LOVE WOMEN’S CLOTHES BUT THE WOMEN’S FASHION INDUSTRY IS THE WORST THING

The Worst Thing To Happen To The Harry Potter Fandom: A Wizard Rock Panel

October 21st, 12-12:50 PM, Academy 5/6

This is the big one. I’ve been trying to do a wizard rock panel since 2011, and of all the many ideas and scripts I’ve written up, this is the one I’m most proud of. Previous panels focused more on the state of wizard rock and where it would go next, and in hindsight, most of those ideas would end up being disproven. This time, I’m taking a more post-mortem tack. Now, that’s not to say that wizard rock is dead, or that I will be arguing such, but I do believe now is a good time to be reflective on wizard rock. Its heyday is indisputably behind us, and some very bad things have come to light since then. In some ways, wizard rock feels like an anachronism, and not a particularly good or comfortable one. On the other hand, though, the good in wizard rock stubbornly refuses to die. The Wizrocklopedia is truly The Site That Lived, the East Coast wrock scene is host to some of the most vibrant experiences the genre ever offered, and for better or worse, even this blog refuses to stay dead. Wizard rock is NOT dead, and will probably never truly die. But… but is that a good thing? This panel will attempt to conclusively answer that question. If you’re wondering where I’m ultimately going to fall, the title of the panel (that I honestly can’t believe was approved and am so pleased about) might give you a clue.

I am honored to be joined in this panel by Bradley Melonballer and Lauren Fartweather. …I have no idea why I just did that to their names. Bradley and Lauren, I truly am chuffed to be doing this panel with you guys. I am sorry I’m kind of a dingdong. Okay, to be fair, I DO know why I did that – I was too lazy to go into my email and double check how to spell Bradley’s name, and then Fartweather just kind of came to me and the idea of like clouds shaped like butts farting and that’s how clouds move and okay I will stop now.

Anyway, I will be joined by two of wizard rock’s luminaries in this panel. To be honest, this panel, and all of my panels, started conception as lectures – you may be surprised to know I enjoy talking. A lot. But as I go through the writing process for this panel, I’m really glad it’ll be more than just me up there – my opinion is obviously flawless and the only one you should listen to, but it will be good to have differing perspectives up there. We will be getting into weighty issues and tricky territory, and I think it’s going to be really interesting to have three people with three very different experiences of wizard rock up there. I mean, we’ll have representatives of the three leading genders (male, female, and internet troll) up there, and let’s be real, gender has a lot to play into how you experienced wizard rock. Moreover, we’ll have the perspective of one of the very first wizard rockers, the perspective of quite possibly the quintessential fan-turned-wrock-star, and the non-artist fan and critic. I don’t think the three of us will be a unified front agreeing on every point, and I think that’s a great thing.

Another cool thing about having some actual star power in the panel is that we’re gonna have a pretty large room to do it in! I don’t really have anything else to say about that, it’s just super cool. Fuck the haters from 2010, six years later I will be hosting a panel in a moderately sized room in Burbank, California! Fuck yeah. For those of you not able to attend, I will be looking into recording it. We will have mics, so I’ll see if there’s some sort of way to get a recording of the audio, and I’ll also be asking around to see if anyone would mind putting their phone on a tripod or whatever and getting a video of it. Regardless, I will be posting an annotated version of the notes I will use for the panel afterward, as well as doing at least an article or two about how the panel went.

Other Events

Can’t get enough of my condescending, self-indulgent critical style? Well, I will be attending more than just those three panels, so you’ll be sure to see me around! Later, possibly later this week, I’ll be posting a list of panels I plan to go to, but in the meantime, here’s some basics. I will be obviously going to both the wizard rock nights, and probably tweeting thoughts in between bouts of dancing madly. If you’ve never watched me dance, I’ve been told it’s like watching a dead giraffe have a post-mortem seizure – quite a sight to behold, to be sure. Though it’s also possible I’m just straight up having a seizure. If you do happen to catch me having a seizure, let’s just all pretend I’m doing some funky dance moves, okay? Good. In addition to the official panels above, there’s a good chance you’ll run into me participating in a few unofficial panels. One of the very best parts of LeakyCon 2013 was the panel on representation in Harry Potter that had a scheduling error and ended up taking place in a hallway, and then lasted for about four hours. It was truly epic and still one of my fondest memories of any convention – and at Leaky 2011, I tackled Maureen Johnson. There are pictures.

So to uphold the tradition, there’s a good chance some friends and I will hang out in a hallway somewhere, non-gendered slurring about all the problems in Harry Potter canon. It’ll be fun! Also, at some point, Tianna and I will be hanging out reading Dr. Seuss at anyone who stands still long enough. That’s not even a joke. It’s gonna be great.

I hope to see you there! Wrock Snob out.


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