KILMEREVIEW: A War Amidst Pop Songs

Nearly 5 years ago, I posted a review of one of the most beloved EP’s in all of wizard rock – The Mudbloods’ A War Amidst Pop Songs. However, because I chose to review the disc in the medium of gifs, there was some confusion about how I felt. At the time, I felt my opinions were made abundantly clear, but after looking at the review with fresh eyes, I can now see that the complaints had merit. While some of the gifs still accurately portray my feelings, some of them are a little hard to interpret. More importantly, many of the gifs are over used or outdated. So, in the interest of remaining relevant and transparent, I am redoing my review of A War Amidst Pop Songs. While my opinions are still largely the same, I hope to express them more clearly, and in a timely and relevant manner. To that end, I am of course re-reviewing this seminal album entirely in gifs of Val Kilmer. Please enjoy.
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REVIEW: Fangz 2 Raven

In this article, I will review the digital musical disc online entity known as Fangz 2 Raven: An EP About My Immortal, by I Speak Tree/Tianna and the Cliffhangers. But before I can tell you about that, I have to tell you about this:

I T  K E E P S  H A P P E N I N G

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Jingle Spells 5 – A Retrospective

This is not a review. No really, references to Magritte aside, this article is not a review, because this article can’t be a review. Jingle Spells 5 is in my opinion one of the best wizard rock charity comps of all time, coming close to the near-perfection of Siriusly Smiling and Jingle Spells 2, and it contains by far the best ratio of amazing songs to unkown artists in the entire damn genre. Any wizard rock fan would be proud to own a copy of this album that would proudly wear the moniker “classic”, if not for the fact that it was, in many ways, a capstone to the entire genre itself, and a highly fitting one at that.

However, I cannot classify my opinions of this remarkable album as a review, because I was heavily involved in its creation, and while I truly believe that this is an excellent disc, and those words I daresay carry more weight than usual, because every song on this album was one that I personally gave the okay to, I still understand the apparent favoritism that would be involved. Unfortunately, Jingle Spells 5 never seemed to get the love it truly deserved, and it is my intention to rectify that. So, please allow me this departure from my usual method of reviews, in which I pull back the curtain and give you a look into not just the songs themselves, but the thought process that went into selecting them. If you are lucky enough to have a copy of JS5, then I recommend you listen to it as you read along. If you don’t have JS5, however, we’ll get into that at the end of this article.

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The Happy Dementor

[This article was in the genre of saved posts that merely had a title and no words to speak of. Way to go, past me! Anyways, I really don’t have too much to say about this song, but I feel that if I started a thing, I will finish it in some way, and hey, it’s a good song and good songs deserve recognition.]

So, there was this under-appreciated charity comp called From Beneath These Ashes that was a double-disc with a fun conceit – one disk represented “Light”, and the other, “Dark” (and now that I think about it, I think most if not all of the other “Review A Single Song” articles I had written/started to write where from this album). There are some stand-out tracks on this album, and if you can still manage to track it down on the internet, or if you have it kicking around but never got around to listening to it, I would highly recommend it.

Anyways, this particular song, “The Happy Dementor” is one of the better songs in a sea of good to great songs. It’s by Hogwarts Trainwreck, a humorous wizard rock band in the vein of Alas Earwax! or The Blibbering Humdingers, but one that never really seemed to get as much recognition as those two, though not for lack of inventive, silly songs. Unfortunately, there isn’t too much for me to actually say about this song – it depicts the life of the world’s worst dementor, who cares for the prisoners, wears a polka dotted hood, enjoys picking flowers, and “hates confrontation / it makes him ill at ease”. When faced with a “dementor up and actually do your fucking job” ultimatum, this dementor decided that logical course of action is to purchase a banjo.

As you can tell, this is a rather amusing tale, told with a simple but engaging rhyme scheme in pleasing vocals over laid back instrumentation. Then at the end, the instrumentation gets a little more focused, and it ends with a very strong moral message – not quite as poignant or un-hammedly done as the likes of Wreck-It Ralph or what have you, but still very well done, ending a silly song on a moving, uplifting note.

And that’s honestly about all I can say about this song – it’s good. Go listen to it. Wrock Snob out.

REVIEW: IMAVOLCANO

Hello, and welcome to Fishboy Week! Yes, this week, I am throwing wizard rock to the wind, and will spend the entire week reviewing, analyzing, and discussing nothing but the works of Denton, Texas band, Fishboy. And what possible excuse could I have for this flagrant disregard for the theme of this blog, for my mission, for my very name?

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES. HUP HUP HUP CANNOT FRONT.

Well, actually, yesterday was my birthday, but I was busy working and spending four hours arguing with my DM/roommate about numbers, ponies, grapple mechanics, and Bibleman.

So, my birthday present to myself is I get to spend a week blathering about my favorite band, using this tissue-thin excuse to revel in extreme self-indulgence. If this isn’t y’alls cup of tea, come back next week and we’ll resume original programming, but for now…

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REVIEW: Voldemort Can’t Stop The Rock!

BACON

First of all, I would like to point out that this is the HUNDREDTH WROCK SNOB ARTICLE. I am obviously very excited to have reached this point, and I want to take the time to thank everyone who has stuck with me and continued to visit this site over the past 3 years, through all the drama, crapped out posts, failed series, giant gold letters, lack of content, and that one time I changed the background of the website to a dancing horse mask gif. I can’t say I understand your continued interest in what I have to say about a waning genre, but I also can’t thank you enough for it.

And so, I wanted to do something very special for this hundredth article. I considered many options – the Top Ten Wrock Albums, The Remus Lupins Retrospective, write the first installment of the Top 500 Wrock Songs, heck, maybe even switch things up and review a Ministry of Magic album for once. But then, in a flash of completely self-inspired brilliance, it came to me – I should review not the best, but the most important wizard rock album of all time! But then I realized that Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Wetter is a work that speaks for itself, and continuing a discussion of this masterpiece beyond the reach of this sentence would do naught but tarnish its perfection. So, instead I’m going to review the second most important wrock album – Harry and the Potters’ Voldemort Can’t Stop The Rock! But I am not going to review this album in the usual manner, oh no. You see, for a work as important as this, I need to analyze not the music, not even the lyrics, but their sociological impact, and moreover, their metaphoric resonance.

By this I am of course referring to the fact that Harry and the Potters’ second album is secretly about bacon.

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threEPack

As you may have surmised by today’s oh-so-clever title, today I will be reviewing three different wizard rock EPs, and let me briefly explain why first.  You see, it may be true that in the realm of wizard rock EPs by little-known bands, there is a lot, and I mean A LOT of chaff… hey, let’s not beat around the bush at all here and just say that there is a lot of shit.  But if you sift around, you will also find a lot of fun and replayable, if short and not exactly deep experiences that can be the frontier of innovation for wrock.  Think of them as the iPhone games to the yearly albums of The Whomping Willows and Ministry of Magic and the likes’ Triple-A console video games.  To put it more simply, they are what Angry Birds and the Cut The Rope are to your Generic Brown Shooters With Numbers Attached To Their Titles. So, I figured in between sessions of railing at Things That People Like, I might really put on my Snob Pyjamas and talk about Things That I Like That No One Has Ever Heard Of.  So, without further ado, my reviews of Crabbe and the Goyles’ Wizcore EP, Mulciber Zerstörer’s Death From Above, and The Veelas’ Hogwarts Lullabies.

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The Ministry of Magic

[Thank you for visiting The Wrock Snob and reading this article! I’d love for you to jump right into the reviewy goodness, but first there is some unfortunate business to take care of. It is not in my nature to tell you specifically what or what not to buy and who to support – I tell you what I thought about an album, and if my tastes seem to align with yours, you might want to heed my suggestions. However, I must take this time to personally exhort that you do not monetarily support the bands The Remus Lupins or Ministry of Magic. The full reasons are unsettling and possibly triggering, so please proceed with caution, but if you want the full details click here. Simply put, it has been revealed that certain member/s of both bands did destructive, upsetting, and highly problematic things. While I can see the value of reviewing art no matter what the artist did on a grand society-level scale, I cannot morally allow myself to condone the financial support of these monsters, nonetheless exhorting people to do so. Now it is entirely possible this copypasta’d retroactive warning was placed on a negative review, making this sidebar somewhat moot, but I still feel it necessary to make these matters clear. Again, for full details and rumination click here, otherwise, please enjoy the article.]

Ministry of Magic is a lot of things, but one thing it is not often is dark.  Some of their songs may be about thematically dark things lyrically, but even songs like “The Lightning Struck Tower” and “The Marauders Map” are fueled more by a righteous anger than anything really dark or depressing.  Two songs that break this mold are “A Phoenix Lament” (which is fantastic but I’m not gonna discuss here), and “The Ministry of Magic”, MoM’s one dalliance with portraying their “character” in musical form.  I don’t suggest that they should be doing that all the time, or even need to do it again, but it was nice to have an MoM song about, well, MoM.

[I have a lot of posts like this, a decent introductory paragraph in need of an article. Let’s give it one, shall we?]

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REVIEW: Free Awkward Hugs

When Draco said he wanted to get closer to dark magic, this isn't what he meantSo, The Blibbering Humdingers have been selected among other fine acts to play at LeakyCon London this year, but it turns out that getting to London from North Carolina is about as easy and cheap as Captain Katherine Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager (i.e. not at all). So, you should really consider going and contributing to their “kickdinger”, or buying one of their albums, such as 2012’s Free Awkward Hugs.

Now, while supporting a good cause while getting something in return is all well and good, is the album actually worth it? Let’s dig in to find out.

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REVIEW: Armoured Bearcub

Before we begin, I recorded a brief message on a subject relevant to today’s last week’s two week’s ago’s [BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WAS SO YOUNG AND NAIVE] proceedings.  Here is the relevant link.

I’m glad we were able to share that moment together. Also, there’s this.

You know… in case anyone wanted a peanut.

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