Bard Questions: Is Wizard Rock Homophobic?

[This was to be the first in a series of articles asking tough questions about our community. These were written or conceived back when there was still some pretense of their being, you know, an actual community, and not me, Russ, and a handful of people on tumblr. I will still finish and publish these articles, but less because I feel these are IMPORTANT QUESTIONS to figure out FOR THE SAKE OF OUR COMMUNITY, and more for purposes of discussion of an historical look at a community that no longer exists in the state that it once did. Also, I wrote this draft-like-thing at like three in the morning, hence the draftiness of it. I still feel that, despite some structure problems, there are some interesting points made.]

Of course not, right? We have the HPA, we have a fair number of gay and bi men and women in our ranks, we are all in all a very inclusive, welcoming, open and friendly community.

BUT our music does not always reflect that. There are some choice gay anthems, like JFF’s “Dumbledore Is Gay And That’s Okay”, Split Seven Way’s “Slip Away”, and the unmatchable HMS Wolfstar.

Then there’s the most famous gay wrock song, Whompy’s “Draco and Harry”, which while very much a pro-gay song, IS a humour song, but does seem on first glance to draw humour from “omg boys making out”, but upon closer inspection, the humour is about DRACO and HARRY making out.

But still, here’s a troubling question: Would the song be as popular, and as funny (or perceived to be as funny) if it was “Draco and Hermy”? Draco and Hermione hate each other just as much as Draco and Harry, so it really should be no difference, right? Yet I can’t help but shake the feeling that despite the humorous bridge with McGonagall brought up as a possible romantic partner, and the twist of the old “sitting in a tree” nursery rhyme, some of the perceived humour value would be lost by making it a “straight” song. And then if that’s the case, that leaves the troubling implication that gayness is funny – it’s a source of humour, more so than a simple life choice.

However, that’s not the song I’m really here to talk about – it’s THIS SONG: “Brotherly Love”, one of the most lauded and celebrated Gred and Forge songs, and also one of the most popular humour songs in all of wrock.

But here’s the thing – is it really that funny? Now, almost every song on the AMAZING Siriusly Smiling is pretty much excellent, so it’s in good company at the least. And there are definitely some clever rhymes and humorous lines – riding something but it wasn’t his broom (the natural redhead line has always struck me as initially funny, but then upon further reflection makes no damn sense in regards to the canon, but whatever I get it it’s supposed to be a humorous song I’ll roll with it), the ghoul bit, etc. And musically, it’s a well made, catchy song. But the immense love for it, and adolation of it’s humour value, has long troubled me.

It’s not just wizard rock’s perpetual immaturity (not that I’m really one to judge), and immediate reaction to ever bringing up the topic of sex is LOLOLOLOL because that’s how the immature deal with sex – they find it funny (possibly bring up merch girls are easy?). And it’s not even the sinking suspicion that when all those people say “LOL this song is SO WRONG but SO FUNNY TOO!” when they are referring to the “wrongness”, it’s not simply about the sex and the incest. No, this goes back to the humour.

Because here’s MY question – what if the song was, instead of being about all the male kids of the weasley family (and the ghoul) having sex, what if it was about ALL the kids of the weasley family having sex, or heck ,let’s make this as explicit as possible – what if it was about all the males of the Weasley family (Arthur excluded, hopefully), taking turns having sex with Ginny?

If any of you just mentally shuddered a bit at that thought, but don’t when you think about “Brotherly Love”, that illustrates a definite problem. Would anyone find the above situation funny? Yes, obviously, you’d have to change the title, maybe to “Family Matters” or something like that, I dunno, but then again, it could just be about Ginny wanting some Brotherly Love, so even the title could stay the same! And lyrics could easily be fit in to keep the same jokes about riding brooms, natural redheads, and ghouls. So, why do I feel that this song would not be nearly as popular? Why some, even many would view it not as funny, but as downright uncomfortable/weird?

If such a case is true – if a straight version of this song would be met with an almost opposite reaction to the current gay version of the song, then it leads us to the troubling conclusion that a major factor (or even the fact that its a factor at all, no matter how major or minor) of Brothely Love’s humour value is because it is gay. If a straight version of the song would be perceived as not-as-funny, if funny at all, and a gay version is perceived as “LOLOLOLOL”, then what does that lead us to conclude. That, unintentionally though I’m sure it is, “Brotherly Love” is seen as a humorous song, because it’s about gay people having sex, and the fact that it’s gay people having sex, it changes the “uncomfortable” issue of sex (incestual sex at that!) into a humorous one. It leads us to conclude that homosexuality is, even in wizard rock, still viewed to some extent as something humorous, and thus, weird. And that’s really kind of scary as fuck. It’s kind of the equivalent of James Franco wearing drag at the Academy Awards with almost no context and only so people will go “MAN IN DRESS? PREPOSTEROUS! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!1!”

Last song to mention, and then I’ll wrap this puppy up.
TALK ABOUT DIDN’T COME TO PARTY HOT TRANNY MESS talk about nerdcore and how using fag is so you can fully parody and mimic mainstream rap and how especially kabuto has put in this little narrative arc subtly in his music, and at the end of his career, lines like hot lesbian action and getting tired of calling people a fag

FINAL THOUGHTS: talk about how this is all a very subconcious thing, and i am 100% certain that no negative thoughts went through the minds of the people making this music or was intended or anything, and i want to make it abslutely clear i am not blaming or casting aspersions on the musicians, nor am i doing so upon the community. This is a problem much, MUCH larger than our small social sphere, on that affects society as whole, and one that everyone, even a community like ours, should be more vigilant towards. Again, I am bringing this up, not to rail against anyone, but to do what I always wanted to do with this site and this persona, the reason why I started all this in the first place – to start a discussion. To get us to critically analyze the music we all love so much. To give it the respect it deserves by truly pulling it apart an examining each piece and figuring out what makes wizard rock what it is. I would absolutely LOVE to hear your comments and rebuttals below, especially from those who are themselves LGBTQIA (which, now that we finally got some damn vowels in there, is an acronym that should really be re-ordered to make something pronounceable [post your suggestions below! Win a prize of absolute nothing!], like BLAGTIQ or BIGQLAT) and have no problems with the above songs. [PUT THE VERY END OF SPIEL HERE THANKS FOR READING ETC]

[Okay, I’m back! It gets kind of rushed at the end, unfortunately. As for the “HOT TRANNY MESS”, this was just talking about the problematic line in the otherwise brilliant Swish and Flick song “If You Didn’t Come To Party”. Not only is the word “tranny” (as in transexual) pretty obviously a slur, but calling someone a transexual as an insult is… problematic to say the least. It just kind of surprises me, since I know the Swish and Flick family is all about equality and stuff, and while there is some argument to be said about it being part of a character, the “character” of Swish isn’t really ever shown to use actual slurs (there’s even that interlude in the same song about not calling people whores), and there’s a whole song about her character getting with Luna, so… As long as I’m on the subject of trans*, I should also mention that I guess you could find some offense at the otherwise excellent Neville’s Diary song “Pansy Looks Like A Dude” from the even more excellent Siriusly Smiling charity comp, because there is a whole can of worms opened when you start insulting people by saying they look like they should belong to the opposite sex, but I honestly feel that’s more SJW than is warranted here.

Anyways, I feel I raised some interesting points here and I’d really like to get a discussion started, especially from people who themselves are LGB… you know what fuck it, I’m just gonna use “queer” – it’s a hell of a lot easier of a term. Anyways, I’d love to hear what queer folks feel about this, and especially anyone whose music I mentioned in this article. Again let me restate that I 100 percent do not think anyone in wizard rock would at all purposefully make a song that is in any way discriminatory or derogatory, and pretty much any blame to be placed can be largely shifted onto society as a whole, but that doesn’t mean that this isn’t a discussion worth having, and I would love to have it. Wrock Snob out.]


REVIEW: Jingle Spells 4




[Thank you for visiting The Wrock Snob and reading this article! I’d love for you to jump right into the reviewy goodness, but first there is some unfortunate business to take care of. It is not in my nature to tell you specifically what or what not to buy and who to support – I tell you what I thought about an album, and if my tastes seem to align with yours, you might want to heed my suggestions. However, I must take this time to personally exhort that you do not monetarily support the bands The Remus Lupins or Ministry of Magic. The full reasons are unsettling and possibly triggering, so please proceed with caution, but if you want the full details click here. Simply put, it has been revealed that certain member/s of both bands did destructive, upsetting, and highly problematic things. While I can see the value of reviewing art no matter what the artist did on a grand society-level scale, I cannot morally allow myself to condone the financial support of these monsters, nonetheless exhorting people to do so. Now it is entirely possible this copypasta’d retroactive warning was placed on a negative review, making this sidebar somewhat moot, but I still feel it necessary to make these matters clear. Again, for full details and rumination click here, otherwise, please enjoy the article.]

Here it is, for reals this time!


The Top Ten Wizard Rock Bands Who Are Similar To Mega Man Bosses

That just might be the strangest title for a post that will ever appear on this site.  So, anyway, if you were hanging out on twitter last night Thursday night, I announced my retirement as the Wrock Snob, because the new iTunes interface was just so terrible to deal with that it ruined music forever for me.  This was a joke.  Now, the iTunes design is pretty terrible, but it’s not that bad.  Close, but not quite.  Anywho, I’ve spent about three hours now working on an article that I think may never see the light of day.  Foolishly foolish fool that I am, I thought I could compile a list of the 26 greatest wizard rock songs ever made, but alphabetically.  For example, I’d do the greatest wizard rock song that starts with the letter A, and then the greatest one that starts with the letter B, and so on.  I thought this would be the easiest, and possibly only way to do a list of the best wrock songs ever that wasn’t a Rolling Stone-style list that 500 songs long.  Well, after 3 hours of work, I managed to whittle it down to 218 songs, and I’m not sure I can go any further.

So, anyway, I planned to make a joke at the expense of the new iTunes, and then a couple hours later put up a new post saying “Hey, everyone, it was a joke”.  However, the article took longer than I thought to make (I’m nowhere near even starting to write it), so I decided to shelve it for a later Friday, and instead do an idea I’ve had in the pipeline for awhile – the top ten wizard rock bands who are similar to Mega Man bosses.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.


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