REVIEW: WZRD

For whatever reason, I tend to compare and contrast wizard rock albums I’m prepping for review – this is part of why I snuck the Hawthorn and Holly article in first, because no one should have to be compared with Lumos, and having We Are The Wizard Resistance and WZRD as bunkbuddies in mind works, given the talent crossover between the two. As noted in my article, We Are The Wizard Resistance is an album with great moments and greater ambition, but also fatal flaws. The only thing consistent about that album is how it is constantly flitting between brilliant and hard to listen to. In contrast to this study of contrasts, WZRD is a lushly produced collection of high quality songs that are content with not inciting massive societal change and upheaval and instead just Being Good Songs.

WZRD is not technically the debut album of Ashley Hamel (sometimes known as Ashleytrix and the Wizards), but it might as well be, and really is an astoundingly good debut wizard rock record. Now, to be fair, the quality of “first wrock albums” has increased considerably as time has moved on and there’s much more of a bedrock and foundation for new artists to build upon. Still, there is a tremendous amount of polish and passion on display here, and while the album may not strive for huge societal insights, there is a personal journey and message here that is touching and beautiful to witness in its own way.

Truth be told, I was already predisposed to liking WZRD, because this is an album with a gimmick – and you know the Wrock Snob loves themself some gimmicks.

Which makes sense, seeing as they’re nothing but a giant walking gimmick.

In what will be a running theme for the album, the conceit of this being a wizarding radio broadcast works well enough to serve the needs of the album as a whole, but there is just so much more that could be done with it. The voice acting is all top notch, and I very much appreciate that all the radio segments are their own tracks, instead of gumming up an otherwise perfectly repeatable song. It’s a pleasant and rather rare experience, to be listening to an album for the first time, and getting curated intros and outros to some of the songs. However, everything about this mode of the album is just crying out for MORE. Having only two DJs is a weird choice – the album would have been better served with one or three, rather than being inherently split into two halves that don’t really work thematically as a diptych. While the segments are all well-written, there are some bloopers, like The Howler admonishing a caller for naughty words – directly after a song that has “shit” in it twice. The Howler is instantly charming, and Gardenia Lagomorph truly has a soothing voice and demeanor (not to mention a hilariously Jo Rowling-esque name) – but the album would be better served honing in on just one of these personalities.

Besides, gotta save something for the sequel, right?

Because I love me some gimmicks, I am predisposed to enjoying an album with a gimmick of some sort – but I’m also going to judge the mechanics of the gimmick more thoroughly than most normally-functioning humans would. The radio segments are ultimately side-dishes in the album’s multi-course meal – delicious on their own, pairs well with the main courses, but ends up clashing somewhat with the other side dishes.

Really? A food metaphor? Already? We’re not even a full thousand words in. Your standards are really slipping, man.

That implies I ever had any standards.

Fair point.

We’ll talk more about the hosts later, but first, why don’t we actually discuss the music? After one more nitpick, of course: there are no lyrics on WZRD‘s Bandcamp page, so if I get any lyrics wrong, sorry. I would encourage Ashley Hamel and anyone else to make an effort to put lyrics up on their Bandcamp albums – it’s a big boon to people like me interested in critiquing and analysis; it helps the archival process; having all that delicious searchable text on each of your song’s pages increases the SEO of your entire album; it makes your songs findable for people who only remember a specific line or two; and most importantly, it makes your songs much more accessible for those who are hard of hearing, have auditory processing issues, or just have difficulty discerning lyrics.

This is coming from the person who once misheard “endlessly” as “penlessly” – which isn’t even a word.

“Love Cannot Be Sorted” is the closest this album has to a single, since the DJ introducing it mentions how it’s been topping the charts for seven – no, wait – eight weeks in a row! Seriously, The Howler is very good, and all his cadences get stuck in my head. So, this is supposed to be The Song, the album’s best foot forward, and… it’s fine. It’s in a genre I’m a huge fan of – plausibly diegetic songs; that is, songs that feel like they could actually be real songs recorded (somehow… how do wizard songs get on the radio?? What’s the medium? Who’s it benefit?), released, and listened to in the Wizarding World. I’m also a big fan of songs by generic random Hogwarts students – songs like “Mirror of Erised” by Stephanie and the Quaffles, or “Sorting Hat” by Talons and Tea Leaves. So, you’d think this would be right up my alley, but… It just kinda falls flat. There are no huge flaws with the track – Ashley gives a good performance (though later songs will be a much better showcase for her talents), the production and instrumentation are all high quality, the structure of the song is unique and interesting, and the lyrics do condense the houses into stereotypes in a new and interesting way – by zeroing in on how those traits would affect a relationship. Unfortunately, it just never really comes together to say anything.

Now, the song definitely attempts that, with the repeated title drop coda, but… it doesn’t really follow? We just had a whole song about putting people into boxes, and now we’re told… not to do that? The song up to this point didn’t condemn the house system or subvert the tropes of the houses – it was buying into them! When I first saw the title, I assumed it was metaphorically about the vast spectrum of sexuality and desire, but the lyrics do not bear that out. Ashley seems to use exclusively male pronouns when discussing her previous loves from the various houses, making this a rather straight song. Which is fine! Nothing wrong with a little straightness every now and then – and I obviously don’t want straight people to have to “gay themselves up” or anything; but the title and ending message of the song seem like they should be about not putting love and/or people in boxes, and that queer romance is cool – which just isn’t being said by the rest of the song.

Also, it feels like there is some sordid/sorted joke that could have been fit in somewhere, but wasn’t.

I’ve mostly focused on the lyrics, because I yam what I yam, but I want to make clear that the music is well done – it just doesn’t stick in my mind that much. The tune is pleasant, easy to nod along to, but it’s far from the best song on the album, and not the one I would have highlighted as the track that’s been hogging the diegetic charts (my choice for that should be fairly obvious, but we’ll discuss that when we get to it). It also doesn’t help that the next song is an absolute banger.

While “Love Cannot Be Sordid (Unless You’re Cool With That)” felt like a well-made but rather rote and boring wizard rock song, “Hey Dude (My Sister Tho?)” is a breath of fresh air. It explores the character of Ron, already a surprising rarity in the world of wrock, and specifically hones in on his complicated feelings about Harry and Ginny’s relationship, which is great. I love how in 2019 there is absolutely still room for fresh new takes on the canon – and also diversifying the music of the genre. Ukelele-based songs are nothing new, but the Carribean musical inspiration shown in this song and “Hufflepuff Puff Pass” is something we don’t hear often, and is done so well. Plus, this the first song on the album where I feel like I’m actually listening to Ashley being herself.

Which is somewhat ironic, given that this song is explicitly from the POV of a fictional character, while the previous track could have conceivably been based on real-life relationships Ashley had or knew about. But she just feels so much more real and natural here. I think it’s the inflections.

Yeah, it’s definitely the inflections – there’s just so much personality to the way Ashley sings this song, and it’s hard not to groove and sing along. The inflections are infectious. Everytime I put on this song, I get a little happier, feel a little less stressed. Ashley’s voice is beautiful here, especially on the sustained notes and “ooh”s, and the bass line is groovy as all hell. Like, the music is so good I’ve barely mentioned the lyrics – which are also quite good! Ron is a sympathetic character here, and I love how his mixed feelings are based more on his friendship with Harry, and fears of being left out, than a patriarchal protectiveness of his sister. This song actually gives Ron a lot of emotional intelligence – maybe more than canon Ron strictly has, but I love this version of Ron nonetheless. This is right up there with Kwikspell’s “Good To See You Wallenby” with all-time great Ron songs – I actually need to look into digging up a third one so I can refer to the “Trio of Ron Songs”.

Also, the simple percussion works really well.

There’s really only one issue with “Hey Dude” – it ends just a little bit too early. I love the ending of “Oh well, I guess it’s only one more / One more in the family” – it’s so sweet, and the musical drop underscores the feeling. But everytime I listen to this song, I expect to hear the chorus one more time after that. It’s just such a good fun catchy chorus! I want to triumphantly exit the track with the chorus one last time, maybe with the lyrics changed to show how Ron has changed over the course of the song? Still, if the worst thing you have to say about a song is that you wished it was longer and there was more of it… that’s a damn good song.

“Rudolphus” is also a good song! It’s more in the heavily-produced vein of “Love Cannot Be Sorted”, but a lot more successful. None of the more produced songs on WZRD are as catchy as the more acoustic songs, but the tunesmynship here is solid. Songs about Bellatrix Lestrange aren’t that rare, but songs from Bellatrix’s point of view are, and songs about Rudolphus Lestrange are even rarer. The only other one I know of is “Lestrangelove” by Luna’s Ceiling, but that song has unfortunately disappeared from the internet, so I can’t link it. I think I like the quiet, understated heartbreak of “Lestrangelove” a little more (plus the music has a sound and feel much more unique in wrock), but “Rudolphus” has some killer lines, especially the soon-to-be-iconic “It’s almost like I’m married to a slab of meat.” Here’s a free merch idea, Ashley: chef/grillmeister aprons that say “It’s almost like I’m married to a slab of meat.”

Actually, that’s a terrible idea.

No, wait, you’re right. Didn’t think that one all the way through until I was typing it out. Speaking of unfortunate implications, this song focuses a lot on Bellatrix’s manipulation of her husband, to a point of reveling in it. Now, obviously Bellatrix is a Billie Eyelash, and the song isn’t in any way endorsing her actions, but still… it makes me a little uncomfortable. To be sure, a song from the POV of a man manipulating his wife would make me a lot more uncomfortable, but… I guess we don’t have many songs from the POV of the villains, gleefully describing the heinous immoral things they do, because while it’s a fun, mostly well-written song, I just get a little squicked out listening to it. Also, the “You’re only good for two things” bridge doesn’t really work. The “providing this song” line is a classic songwriting trope that I always enjoy, but Bellatrix talking about happiness not lasting… comes kind of from nowhere. It’s a weird thing for her to be complaining about, a weird way for her to phrase it – it’s just a sudden shift away from how I interpret her character. I keep expecting the first line to actually be “And that’s providing a son”, and I think that would have been a better direction to go in – something along the lines of “your only point is providing me with social status and an heir to my bloodline, and you are unable to fulfill those marital duties”.

Sounds like someone needs the services of Crumbley Grundelshire.

No one’s going to get that reference.

Yeah, that’s why you foisted it off on me.

True. Also true? “Rudolphus” is a good song that I want to like more than I do. “Hufflepuff Puff Pass”, on the other hand, is a song I like so unequivocally, I’m going to do something a little different here. I will first briefly mention its merits, before skipping ahead to writing the rest of the article. Then, I will come back, get blazed with my muggle roommates, play this song for them, and notate their reactions. Because it sounded like fun.

It’s a song about weed! So, yet another track of a subject or format that I am already predisposed to enjoy, and this one really is the stand out of the whole album. In fact, I almost wish it wasn’t about weed, because I feel bad saying that the best track of an album that is at times intensely personal was the silly fun one about getting blazed. But it’s silly and fun! And also the music is just absolute aces – the Caribbean sound is back, the production really helps sell the sound, and Ashley just slays the vocal performance here. Like, I feel like I’m just looking like a big stoner here saying the weed song is the best one, but… it’s so good! And now, for a message from the future:

“It’s so chill and vibey, and then they throw in O.W.L. test and I’m like oh shit its about Harry Potter!”

In response to the line “Hufflepuff-puff pass”: “Fuck yeah”

“I love how it changes tones.”

“This upbeat part reminds me of an anime theme song.”

In response to the production over the “black and yellow” line: “Ooooh! Yeah, that’s good, and I remember [Hufflepuffs living near the kitchens] from the books. Like yeah they’re getting high there. It sounded like the feeling of getting high. I liked the effects there, it was really cool. Bentley! I know I’m yucky, but you’re gonna get me yucky with your licks! Who is a kissing boy? Is it you? You are a kissing boy! Kissing boy!”

Artistic Merit: 4/5

Pot Leaves: 4/5

“It was really fun. And I liked that it had different parts to it and they’re all interesting.”

~Sierra For Now

Time is a flat snake, and this song rules. If The Howler was a little less Platonic Ideal of Morning Radio DJ, and a little more alternative community radio, “Hufflepuff Puff Pass” would be the clear choice as the chart-topping song to start the album out with. Speaking of which, let’s talk a little more about the DJs, because here is where we say goodbye to The Howler (“and I… am SENT” is so good), and say hello to the other WZRD host, Gardenia Lagomorph. Again, Gardenia Lagomorph is a brilliant name, perfectly fitting in Jo’s very weird world of nomenclature, and Ashley embodies the character immediately.

Who the hell names their kid “Xenophillius”… ESPECIALLY when your last name is Lovegood?? Why not just call him “Alienfucker McGee” and be done with it?

However, her appearance does throw the album off balance a bit. I generally like this back half less, and she shakes up the established dynamic, and never really establishes her own. She shows up, says some words, a couple songs play, and she says goodnight. Speaking of which, The Howler wished us good morning, and now it’s nighttime already! Yes that is a nitpick so petty it barely counts, bite me.

Please don’t bite them. They are rather fragile.

Thank you. So, I get the AM/PM split as a way to divide the album, but… it didn’t need dividing? The songs in the first half are generally a little faster and louder than the back, but only a little. All but one of Gardenia’s songs have big, loud moments, and “Waiting” especially doesn’t really follow the laid-black, soporific Gardenia that well. Plus, if we are saying that these DJs are playing music to fit their tastes, that brings along the wild implication that noted war criminal Bellatrix Lestrange recorded a single about her love of abusing her spouse, sent it in to the radio, and they played it. Also, “Ashleytrix and the Wizards” is a remarkably strange name for a diegetic band in the Harry Potter universe. May I instead suggest Ashleytrix and the Wix?

It would be remiss of me to not mention that yes, of course, this is all nitpicking otherwise excellently written and performed spoken word pieces backed by appropriate music (Gardenia’s meandering piano is especially pretty), and I would be neither surprised nor offended if it turned out I am literally the only person on Earth who notices or cares about this stuff.

Anyway, here’s a Riddle™ cover.

Okay, so I just added Riddle™ to the tags for this article, and it didn’t pop up any suggestions, so this may be the first time I’ve used the Riddle™ tag on this site? That seems impossible and unconscionable, but here we are. I should take steps to remedy this in the future.

Wild. “Look At Me” is a song that I didn’t realize was a cover at first, and that has actually made it go up in my estimation. The main reason for this was my exasperation at following up the rather trite “Rise Above” with listening to a song that ends with “the bravest man that I have ever met”; exasperation that melted away when I realized these lyrics were written in 2008. That’s totally fine! Also, I think Ashley Hamel’s track is best served by listening to her version first. That’s not to say that this cover is necessarily worse than the original, just that there is something absolutely unique and spellbinding about the original vocal performance, which Ashley wisely doesn’t try and emulate. Her production and instrumentation help set it apart (though part of me does love the cheesy-ass string synths of the original – but that might just be the Voldemort in my head) – I especially like the emphasis on guitar over keys, and the drums coming in with the second verse. Also, this is just much more polished, so little missteps or recording quality dips in the original track are completely gone, making this a very easy listening experience. A listening experience that is easy, that is. Not an experience of easy listening.

Are there any easy listening wrock bands? Comment below!

Don’t be sure to like, comment, and sharescribe. After you’ve done that and listened to Hamel’s track a few times, if you then go and listen to the original for the first time in about a decade, it’s like finding this brilliant demo of that song you love. Everything in the cover is polished down to a mirror shine, which is great, because it becomes a nice companion piece to the warts-and-all original. I’m trying to figure out a clever way to compare the polishing down metaphor to how the cover has a great vocal performance, and the original has a flabbergasting vocal performance, but I can’t.

If you can figure it out, comment below!

No, don’t. Let’s instead move on to “Bring Them Home”, which is the most acoustic song on this side, and is entirely coincidentally, probably my favorite. Melancholy Molly songs are nothing new (Melancholy Molly new band name btw that one’s free), and while Ashley Hamel doesn’t exactly add any big bold new ideas to the mix, the writing here is the best on the whole album. Between stellar character work, clever writing, a melody that is slow and down-tempo but still catchy and pretty, and a very stripped down (but high quality) production ethos that ties it all together, the best thing I can say about “Bring Them Home” is that it feels like another cover a classic wrock song from back in the day – except it’s allllll new, baby!

What.

I don’t even know, sorry. The progression from worrying over Arthur to worrying about her family, to worrying about her extended family is well drawn, and Ashley’s voice really is something else here, elevating already great lyrics like

Pillows with no indents

Echoes of the years they spent

What a simple, brilliant, perfect little couplet. I’m also a big fan of the “nine hands of my life” line. I really can’t shake the feeling that if this was a song from 2008, “nine hands of my life” would be a well-known phrase in the community, up there with “I wish you peace and love and happiness” and “the weapon we have is love” and “Fang, stop peeing on my trunk.” Obviously, I still prefer the song with the swears and the one with the weed, but “Bring Them Home” is easily the best of the slower, quieter songs, and a clear highlight of the album. An album which is (almost) winding down, with the peppy, vibrant, and deeply compelling “Waiting”.

Feel free to use that as a pull quote, btw.

Shhh! You’re not supposed to say that part!

“Waiting” is… a hell of a thing. While I prefer the high energy, yet laid-back styles of “Hufflepuff” and “Hey Dude”, “Waiting” works well as a musical synthesis of everything making up the album, and clearly states “Hey, this is what an Ashley Hamel track sounds like. Also, buckle up, butterfuck.” The progression from simple to full production works as intended, and the instrumentation shines here, being given some breathing room after an album pretty crammed full of lyrics. Ashley’s wicked, snarky, Slytherin inflection comes through aces and spades here, especially in lines like

I’ve learned

That sometimes people say things

That are partly bullshit

To get inspired

Damn. What I love is that this wizard rock debut album ends with what is basically a call-out post for the wizard rock scene – no names are named or anything, but Ashley minces no words speaking about how our scene loves to talk about equality and inclusivity, yet the con lineups are looking more and more homogeneous every day (hint: it’s very white). It’s a song about exhaustion, and feels for all the world like a farewell to wizard rock, not the culmination of a debut. I think it’s meant more as a push forward than a wave goodbye, but between that and lyrics about the frayed relationship with her mother, “Waiting” is catchy and danceable and also one of the most deeply personal songs in wizard rock this side of Demons at the Helm. It’s not the track off this album I’ve listened to the most, and never will be, but “Waiting” is an artistically important and relevant entry to the wizard rock canon, even if it doesn’t end up as making as much of a social impact as it deserves.

Before we wrap up, there is one more song on WZRD, a bonus track called “Being Here With You Tonight”. It’s a bonus track and intended as such, so I’m only going to touch on it briefly and vaguely, because it is best listened to without expectations. This song does the bonus track gimmick well – the pause at the beginning is the perfect length, and the slow fade into Ashley noodling around is a gentle way to ease in those of us who are both forgetful and easily startled. The fact that the song is only Ashley, her guitar, and her voice, makes it stand apart from the rest of the album, and she is up to the challenge and ably acquits herself here without the safety nets of more instruments and cleaner production. As for the lyrical content, it seems to be the soothing balm after the truth bomb, possibly to the point of becoming the true capstone to the album, and this track only strengthens my belief that an Ashley Hamel wizard rock cover album would be absolute fire emoji.

How has that not really been a thing yet? An album where one artist does nothing but covers of other wrock songs? Sure, Christian ObatR had that MySpace page where he put up a grand total of like, three covers, but this really seems like a slam dunk for the current wrock soundscape – especially for a newer artist looking to reach a wide audience. I want to be clear – Ashley Hamel’s songwriting absolutely stands on its own – she is just very good at giving classics new life.

Damn tho – when that one thing happens? Wow. WZRD is nearly worth the purchase on the strength of that moment alone. The rest of the album is just icing.

But what delicious, intriguing, complex, and lushly created icing it is! Shit, I really need to watch it with the food metaphors. This could become a bad habit. WZRD is a triumph is nearly every category beyond Integrity of Framing Device, and my weird obtuse obsessions should not count against an album with this much going for it.

Oh, damn it all.

What?

Look at this.

Aw, shit.

Precisely.

So, I seem to have forgotten, been told, and then reforgotten that Ashley Hamel is late of Bella and le Strangers, so calling this a debut wrock album is a little more suspect – debut solo album would be a more apt description. Also, “Rudolphus” was originally a Bella and le Strangers song – I don’t think that information changes my feelings about the song one way or another, yet I’m terrified if I don’t inform you of this I’m an Unethical Journalist.

And they don’t even work in video games!

Also, I forgot that Grace Kendall of Snidget and @wix_rock fame helped write “Bring Them Home” – i.e. the one where I went on about how much I loved the writing.

Funny how that works.

Am I overusing this gimmick?

Probably.

Anyway, I was summing up WZRD – good album is good. I think the best description of the tracks is “high quality” – there is a lot of attention to detail and polish, but also a lot of passion, joy, and exuberance. If you’re gonna spend ten bucks on wizard rock, your next ten dollars should go towards getting this album in your ears.

Seeing as this is my final Review (but unfortunately, far from my final article), I would be remiss if I did not bring out the ol’ giant gold letters one last time for the grade. WZRD by Ashley Hamel easily earns my final score of

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…for Frequently Brilliant. Wrock Snob out.